Handling an Adversary and Finding Peace

It was the week before Christmas and things were very busy. She was looking forward to having Christmas Day through New Year's day off for the first time in six years.

It was 4 p.m. and her phone started to ring. Her boss was on the other end.

"Hi Nora! Can you come in here please?" Her boss said in a friendly but commanding tone.

"Absolutely." Nora replied calmly and hung up. Her boss frequently requested she head to her office. Nora thought nothing was out of the ordinary as she grabbed her pad and pen.

After knocking on the door and being told to come in, Nora sat down. She clicked her pen open and prepared to take notes. It was then she noticed her boss's frown.

"Nora..." she started with a concerned look. "I consider us friends and I feel awful asking you this question and before I even ask, I want you to know that you can certainly say no. Please don't feel that you have to agree to what I'm asking or that it's going to affect your performance in anyway. I'm asking because I know that after years of working together, you'd definitely tell me no because in the past when I've mentioned I'd prefer you not to take certain days off, there were times when you agreed to come in and there were times when you didn't. So, feel free to say no. My friend Vicki, her son and her husband are staying with me over Christmas. I accidentally got the days confused and agreed that all of you girls could be off the day after Christmas. Now I know that I already asked that you forgo taking a vacation a few months ago and normally I'd ask the others but I already know their plans and am certain they can't come in so I'm not even asking them but I don't know yours. Is there a way you'd be willing to come in the day after Christmas? Like I said, I can certainly come in but would prefer not to because my friend is staying with me." Her boss stopped and looked at her.

Nora's heart sank. She had never requested the day after Christmas off before and had always allowed her colleague to use the time to spend with her family, since she herself was unmarried and didn't have much family to speak of. Her Christmas day plans consisted of over 5 hours of round-trip driving and visiting family she saw a couple times a year. Yet, how could she say no? It was her boss and her friend was in town. While her boss certainly wouldn't put her refusal in a performance review, she had a way of making Nora feel very small and unaccomplished. Refusing her might provoke more hostility.

"Sure. I was going to visit my family out-of-state but I can always leave a little earlier than planned." Nora said.

"Are you sure? I knew you'd say no if you couldn't do it but I don't want you to feel like you're missing out on your plans. I promise to make it up to you!" Her boss said hurriedly.

"It's ok." Nora responded and pursed her lips. It wasn't but what could she say?

She left her boss's office and headed to her desk. A lump formed in her throat. She wasn't going to cry but she could feel the anger swelling from her stomach and into her head. Her head starting to hurt.

****

Weeks later Nora was still dwelling on the incident but comforted herself with the fact that her sacrifice would allow her boss a nice time. Also, she knew God would reward her for considering someone else. Yet, she couldn't shake feeling hurt and disappointed. While Nora didn't have a husband or children or even a caring family to rely on, she was looking forward to some time shopping. What made it worse was her boss's way of making it up to her, she wanted to take Nora to dinner for a girl's night. Having dinner with her boss wasn't a blessing, it was actually just more hours she'd need to submit to her boss's self focused conversation and demands. When an internal email announced an opening for an executive assistant, for the first time in six years Nora felt relief. Should she apply just to get away from her boss? She began to pray but she not only began to pray for relief from her boss but also on how to rid herself of the resentment she felt toward her. Nora knew resentment wasn't of God.

Handling an Adversary and Finding Peace 

Dear Reader,

Perhaps feelings of anger and resentment are brewing in your heart against a person or situation. Perhaps the situation feels like there's no resolution or way out. I've been in that place. Each time, I'm begging God for a way out and in the meantime, I'm struggling with how to cope with the hurt, anger and resentment that turns like a wheel over and over the issue. What does the Bible say about resentment? How do we handle people that hurt and abuse us? Is it ok for us to resist the abuse? Let's take a closer look at the topic by examining Samuel 24. 

In the passage we see that King Saul has returned home after a victory against the Philistines. He hears that David, whom Samuel anointed as the next king over Israel, is in the Wilderness. Saul takes 3,000 men and pursues him. Saul enters a cave to rest, not knowing that David is in the same cave. Impulsively, David cuts off a piece of Saul's robe and soon regrets his action. His men try to persuade him that God has delivered Saul into his hands but David refuses to take Saul's life. Saul is God's anointed and while David is aware that he's the next anointed king, he refuses to take the throne in that manner. In fact, he does the opposite. He approaches Saul and kneels before him. He humbly asks his adversary to not believe those that lie about his desire to kill the King and provides proof of his innocence by showing him the piece of robe. Saul repents of his envy against David and states he knows David will be the next kind of Israel. Saul leaves David and returns home. 

The story showed me the importance of having mercy on our adversary and leaving revenge to God. "If an enemy hungers" we are to give him bread. We are to allow God to make vengeance but are not to exact it with our own hands. David had the opportunity to rid himself of Saul and it could easily have been argued that God had given him that opportunity. Yet David knew better. He knew that revenging himself of his adversary, even when the adversary is in the wrong, was not his place. Justice belongs to God. Not only did David refuse to kill Saul, he went out to reassure him that it wasn't his desire to give him harm (1 Sam. 24:8). 

If we find ourselves in the company of our adversary, we should ever so humbly try to persuade him that we have no intention to do harm and that we will do no harm.  We are called to be faithful even to the hardest of masters (1 Pet. 2:18-20). Jesus went further by saying that we are to bless those who curse us and pray for those that spitefully use us (Luke 6:27-33). We may find ourselves able to resist causing harm to another with our outward actions but our hearts are in constant turmoil. How do we find peace when being used or hurt by someone? 

This very morning I found myself at that exact spot and it's not an easy place to be in! I find it comforting to know that I'm not alone. The Bible tells us to "cast our cares on Him" and that our brothers and sisters are going through similar trials throughout the world (1 Peter 5:6-10). Not only that but we can rejoice. Our feelings are precious and our tears are counted by him. Never fear what man can do to you because they can't do anything without God establishing it (1 Pet 4:19 and Job 1:12)! 

Pray urgently for the ability to forgive, the ability to heal and the ability to bless amongst suffering. I promise that the moment you begin to pray, God will set your heart aright. He'll also show you what step to take next. Continue to do what's right (Gal. 6:9) before God and ask Him to make the situation right (Psalm 7:9). All will be well when we commit our way to the Lord. Amen. 

Finding Peace in Unchanging Circumstances

This morning a friend texted to express her frustration at her career regression. Several relocations and job changes had caused for a demotion in responsibilities. She's working as a temp with reduced pay. Submitting countless resumes, working tirelessly at her temp job and taking classes to further her education has changed nothing. Interviews aren't coming and there's no promise of permanency at her temp job. 

Dear children, when you are tempted to feel discouraged or beg God to change something, immediately tell it Jesus. Tell him all your troubles. Then ask for His grace and strength to live through them. When you do that, God begins to work. He'll give you an extra special portion of grace and the strength to bear up. You'll see that things begin to work out effortlessly. On this very day, I too begged God for some relief. It was immediately given. His love will immediately flood your heart and lift you up. These passages picked me up today and I pray they do the same for you. 

Psalm 91

2 Cor. 12:7-10

Proverbs 3:34, James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5

His Banner Over Me Is Love

Sometimes we endure seasons of loss, or we struggle for something we think we must have and we wonder why God has chosen not to give. I was perplexed as to why God hadn't given me companionship after the loss of my mother. I tried to make several romantic relationships work but to no avail. Meanwhile, my job seemed a one way street to nowhere land and life remained the same, year after year. It took me a while to realize my truest failure was not in what wasn't working out but in my inability to seek God for who He is and not for what He will give.

When we come to Christ we must be born again. This is a very misunderstood concept. To be born again means to comprehend that truth only exists in God and we only have access to God through Christ. That means that whatever we've learned from sources other than God and His teachers are lies. When we believe this, God can begin undoing the teachings we've learned and begin creating a new mindset in us. It is through Christ's resurrection that we can become brand new. We have the mind of Christ and as we read the Bible, God's word, we learn how to live abundantly in this world.

An abundant life means a reliance on God and His provision. When we trust that God will supply all our needs, we are freed up to meditate on the spiritual aspects that need healing and growth. I've found that as I pray and read the Bible, the Lord begins a mysterious process. He begins to open my eyes to His truth. He is mending and healing the shatteredness of my life. He is an expert physician with the ability to bind the broken-hearted and set the captives free. My prayers have begun to get answered in the positive and my pathway has become smooth.

I recently learned something profound about God. The Bible says His banner over me (and you) is love. I didn't understand what a banner was so I looked it up in the dictionary. The definition states: A banner is a piece of cloth attached by one edge to a staff and used by a leader as his standard. God's standard is love! All that He does is motivated by love. Most of what others do for us or what we do for them is not motivated by love but by other things. This is the direct opposite to God's motivation - love. This understanding overwhelmed me with gratitude.

Three years ago I was utterly alone and now I have friends. I applied for jobs in a horrible economy and landed several interviews. I awaken each morning with the joy of the Lord in my heart and have a feeling that through all the times God was saying "no" to my prayers, it was to prepare me for something and someone wonderful. Each circumstance has taught me of God's mercy and love that awaits me throughout the day. He has become my strength, my portion, my protection and my friend. I've learned that all things work together for the good. I've learned that God has lovingly overseen every aspect of my life. He knows my thoughts and needs before I think them. (See also Ps. 139.) He answers my supplications in accordance to His expert assessment of where I am at spiritually and physically. He has always provided for my needs.

Dear children, I write to you today to encourage you not to give up on the Lord your God that you serve. Wait on Him, ask Him for patience to endure hardship and trust that all He does for you is motivated by love. He has a future mapped out for you and will make all things beautiful for you in His time. Trust Him.

Forgiveness Is No Art!

It was mid-October and my lunch hour. I sat in my car feeling utterly confused and defeated. I was miserable. I wasn't feeling lonely, depressed or anxious. What I was feeling was just plain hopeless. I was starting to snap at my co-workers and felt envious of my friends, who seemed to have brighter lives than me. The more I tried to control my feelings and their effect on those around me, the more I failed.

I turned to Romans 7 and began to read. The passage pointed out that we end up doing what we don't want to do. The problem was, I knew that already. Intellectually and physically I wanted to get rid of the envious feelings and the confused heart I had toward God. The problem was, even pouring over scripture did not send the usual answer. I prayed a hopeless prayer to God; asking Him to show me how to love these people. Then I took a nap in my car. I hoped that when I awoke the feelings of misery would pass. They didn't pass.

The following morning I felt better. Sleep has always helped restore me. The thoughts of "Why, Lord?" continued to plague me. I was starting to dread seeing my co-workers. I dreaded seeing them not because they were unpleasant but because they were a reminder of how jealous I was of the families they have, the husbands they married etc. I hated myself for feeling that way. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I couldn't get the victory. I had prayed, read my Bible and found no answers. The heavens were locked in silence and my banging on heaven's gates didn't supply the help needed. I digress. That morning, I spoke to my friend like always. She mentioned she needed to forgive a wrong that was committed against her. It hit me like a bolt of lightening. Forgiveness! Yet how did forgiveness play into envy and jealousy? I knew at the heart was forgiveness. When I got off the phone, I started to pray for forgiveness.

I didn't pray that I could forgive my friends, co-worker etc. I started to pray that God would forgive me. That He would forgive me for wanting a life He hadn't supplied. That He would empower me to love His will. I reasoned the life He gave me was His will. Jesus told us "but I came to bring them life, and far more life than before." I began to realize that I must never wonder why He's given me this life. It's a fruitful life and blessed by God. He's supplied my every need. I must not feel like I'm less blessed or more blessed than someone else.

I started to feel the power of God. It didn't stop there. I began to plead with God to please take away these envious feelings. I admitted I was completely unable to stop thinking the thoughts or stop wanting the life of another. It felt impossible. It seemed silly to ask God to stop the thoughts. It seemed counter-intuitive. I kept thinking that God wasn't a genie to rub. That I must seek self-control and get a handle on these feelings myself. I prayed it anyway because even through all my sincerity, I couldn't stop the way I felt. It was useless.

It was that prayer that taught me a most precious lesson. We serve a truly, merciful God. A God who didn't come into the world to condemn it but to save it. Jesus came to forgive us our sins and to help us forgive others, to love our enemies and to serve those around us. Before we came to Him, some of us tried very hard to be a good person. Yet sincerity is useless. The truth still exists - that we are sinners. The Lord Jesus wants to help us in our infirmities. He's waiting for us to say the simple prayer "I can't do this without You." Dear friend, wherever you are and whatever situation you are in, ask God to help you. It is impossible to forgive. It is impossible to love always. It is impossible for you and for me. It is not impossible for Jesus. Thank you Jesus that we are more than conquerors! "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”"

God's Magnificent Comfort

A review of my journal and blog entries reveals how much I've struggled with loneliness and loss. I want to shift gears and focus on the incredible comfort I've received in knowing Jesus. This afternoon my friend took her marriage vows. They weren't the traditional vows. They focused on friendship and a love that is based on inspiring the other to greatness. At one point it was mentioned that the other would be a comfort through the tears. I sat in relative awe. Does such a person exist? It me thinking of the platitudes I've been told when my mom died. Some suggested my mother's loss would yield the opportunity to get closer to my dad. Others told me time and other people would fill the void the loss of my mother caused in my life. None of those words comforted me. In truth, I'm no closer to my father than when my mother died and while my life is "filled" with friends and exciting experiences, none of that has washed away the empty spot at my heart's table.

My dear reader, I don't write these things to discourage you but rather to point out that sometimes the phrases of others are trite. A person can hold your hand but they can never mend your heart. Only the master builder can restore what's been lost. He does so with sweet kindness. He manages to fill the gaps that loved ones leave and soothes the sorrow the sin in this world has caused. He soothes it by revealing Himself to the one who seeks comfort.

This week I read something from Corrie ten Boom's "Reflections of God's Glory" p. 25 that really touched me. She wrote, "I once begged for deliverance, but the Lord said, 'My grace is sufficient for you.' I continue to look to Him and try not to be impatient. I won't be here a moment longer than God thinks necessary. Pray for me that I will be able to wait for His timing. Life here has wonderful proportions; time is here only to be lived through. It amazed me that I have adapted so well. Some things I can never get used to, but in general I am very happy. It is dark, but then the Savior gives His light and that is wonderful." Corrie wrote those words while in solitary confinement. Our lives can feel like that. Portions of our lives are very stagnant and yet Jesus promises "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  The Bible tells us that God is our comforter and He comforts us so we can comfort others. Until recently, I had never experienced the magnificent comfort of God. His comfort warms us more than a fire on cold day and soothes us to the soul level. The rest that we find in Christ isn't hinged on tranquility, rather it is centered on being made whole by Jesus Christ. The ocean of God's comfort astounds me. It's so limitless and allows us to triumph under any circumstances. Do you need comfort? Are you hoping someone will fill the void in your life? If so, come to Jesus and ask Him to comfort you. You won't be disappointed!

Only The Lord Can Restore What's Lost

At 8:30 a.m. tomorrow I leave for California. I've managed to shred my personal papers, preclean the house before the cleaning people come on Thursday, pay the June bills that were almost overdo, forward my flight information and pack. As I packed, I fought loneliness. It's not always easy to drive myself to the airport but I'm thankful someone is waiting for me at the other end! That definitely helps a lot. I'll be spending a good 4 days with my friend before heading to San Diego for the weekend to reconnect a bit with my cousins. As usual, I'm off the beaten path and forging another new tributary. I wonder how I'll be with little alone time. Will I crave "me time" or will I be relieved? I've spent the last year completely single and have learned to hate and treasure my time. It's interesting what being alone does. Still, everyday the thought gnaws at me. When will God choose for me not to be so undone? Is there a happy ending for me? As I leave for the airport tomorrow, I'm missing true friends (but I'll be seeing one), a confident and a relationship. I'm missing a lot. Only the Lord can restore what's been lost. It's out of my hands. That's what 2011 is teaching me.

So it is surrender? Or is it...
{but maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.}


-Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & the City

When A Trial Is Over

On Friday night I was seated at Applebees with a group of young women after Jersey Life had concluded. As we began to share our testimonies (life story), I realized that the sorrow and dreadfully horrible experience of my mother's loss had faded. While I still miss my beloved mom and shed a few tears, the shock and deep billowing sorrow has been replaced with a peaceful acceptance. The Lord's promise that He will give us beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning is quite true. Sometimes pain is healed gradually because our human hearts feel it so deeply. But as Corrie ten Boom said, "There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still" Hallelujah.

Isaiah 61:3

3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”