At 8:30 a.m. tomorrow I leave for California. I've managed to shred my personal papers, preclean the house before the cleaning people come on Thursday, pay the June bills that were almost overdo, forward my flight information and pack. As I packed, I fought loneliness. It's not always easy to drive myself to the airport but I'm thankful someone is waiting for me at the other end! That definitely helps a lot. I'll be spending a good 4 days with my friend before heading to San Diego for the weekend to reconnect a bit with my cousins. As usual, I'm off the beaten path and forging another new tributary. I wonder how I'll be with little alone time. Will I crave "me time" or will I be relieved? I've spent the last year completely single and have learned to hate and treasure my time. It's interesting what being alone does. Still, everyday the thought gnaws at me. When will God choose for me not to be so undone? Is there a happy ending for me? As I leave for the airport tomorrow, I'm missing true friends (but I'll be seeing one), a confident and a relationship. I'm missing a lot. Only the Lord can restore what's been lost. It's out of my hands. That's what 2011 is teaching me.
So it is surrender? Or is it...
{but maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.}
-Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & the City
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