The changing of the Guard

She sat feet planted on the orange carpet facing her boss. The puff of heat caused the blinds to dance and clang like symbols as he spoke. The warp speed of his voice droned and made it’s way into the debts of her thoughts. His response wasn’t what she had expected. He began by saying the firm wasn’t doing well and with the upcoming move there was little money left to award her the compensation she was seeking. While the other women did make substantially more money than she, they had been with the firm for many years and their experience couldn’t be compared to hers. She was told she didn’t work as hard as they. He then began to explain that while her billable hours were impressive, they were outside her job description and therefore not expected by the firm. He neglected to mention it was he who had asked her to bill for her time. He summed up by saying he would like to give her more but the senior partner felt her accomplishments were merely a part of the necessary functions of her job description. He neglected to admit promises had been made from the beginning with respect to a bump up in salary. The explanation given at hiring was that she was new, inexperienced in the field and within 6 months of satisfactory performance, a raise would be expected. Six months had led to two years of endless, unkept promises. The culmination of those promises led to the discussion unfolding before her.

Buckets of frigid water splashing her from overhead would’ve been less shocking than the unfolding conversation. She sat motionless, stunned and angry. He was unappreciative of her efforts, unnoticing of her talent and naïve in his promises. He wanted her to stay. He felt her performance was exemplary but a raise was not coming. He didn’t make a promise it would come someday. He only explained what a wonderful position she was in and how much growth potential would be supplied. He ended by saying not all decisions were financial.

She arrived home bewildered and entered the dark space of her room. It smelled of dawn musk and fresh paint. The hum of the computer droned in the distance. The cat rubbed against her legs. Throughout the car ride home she replayed his conversation. She rewound his jittery composure, quick paced words and blinking eyes. He had lied to her. She tapped the mouse, awakened her tired computer and began to type. Her resume unfolded in flawless bulleted lines. She hit the print button and went downstairs to prepare dinner for her dad. With a purr and pleading eyes the cat looked towards her food bowl. She poured the kibble into the bowl and effortlessly began chopping and sautéing. With clenched jaw she finished supper, reviewed her resume and began subscribing to jobsites. Within minutes her resume was blasted into the abyss of cyberspace and came to rest in the mailbox of someone that would change her life forever.

The call came the next afternoon shortly after lunch. It hit voicemail and was returned the following morning. An interview was arranged on her day off and life as she knew it was about to change. She found herself on President’s Day sitting across from an attractive, slim woman with sympathetic gaze. With little assessment she purred, “You are a talent, that is obvious and yes very underpaid. I’m going to get you into the best firms in the state. They recruit the best and you are the best. I’ll have you in a new position in a matter of weeks. We’ll be in touch”. In touch they were. The following weeks presented her with the opportunity to meet and greet the best. Offers began to come in but one firm held a promise unparalleled to them all. They offered an exploitation of her talent. They were prominent, smart and deliriously friendly. They sought to hire and retain the best. They felt they had found it in her. They would hire her but there was no opening. The waiting began. After 5 interviews and countless questions her life changing call rang through one late afternoon. An offer was made and accepted. It wasn’t what she had interviewed for, it was for a dream burried in a coffin and left to deteriorate into dust.

Monday morning found her typing her goodbye letter in the form of official resignation. She tapped the door and entered his office silently. “I’m giving my official two weeks notice today,” she stated nervously.

“Notice for what?” was his response as he continued reviewing the open file on his desk.

“I’m beginning a new position in two weeks”, she stated dryly.

With that he looked up. The pen gave a clink on the desk. Reggae music faintly drifted into the air from behind his desk. He sat back into the hollows of his chair. “Wow, I didn’t know you were unhappy. I didn’t know you were leaving.”

She made no response. What was she to say? It seemed obvious to her.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

She responded with the name of the largest area firm.

“Where are they located? Are they nice?”

“Yes.” She stated with little expression.

“I have to get someone immediately. I’m so overwhelmed with work. Wow, I can’t believe this. We’re moving soon too.” He began in panicked tone.

“I know, I’m sorry for the timing. I wish you the best.” she stated with sincerity.

“Thanks.”

She walked out with head held high and returned to the work before her. At the close of the day her phone began to sing the tune of her best friend.

“Did you tell him?” she questioned eagerly.

“I did. I’m so relieved. I can’t believe I allowed someone to hood wink me into working for practically nothing. How stupid am I?” she responded.

“It isn’t your fault. He seemed sincere and I believe he was sincere.” She said in comfort.

“I know. He’s not a bad person, he’s just naïve. You know what he said?”

“What?”

“That not all decisions are financial!”

“You have to be kidding me!” she nearly choked in laughter. “What do we work for, for free?” she continued.

“I know, that’s why they call it work and not ‘I’m going to my hobby,’” she continued.

“I’m proud of you. You did what you had to do and you’ve found your dream. You’re doing something you’re better at anyway.” She said.

“I know. I’m so excited!” she squeaked. “One thing though…” she said with hushed hesitation.

“What’s that?”

“I think I’m going to leave the other him.” She began.

“Your boyfriend.” She stated, knowing the answer already .

“This experience has taught me something. I’m don’t want to be employed by an employer who doesn’t realize my talent and potential and I don’t want to date or be connected with someone who doesn’t appreciate what he has. I’d rather be alone. I think I can find a lot of men that are better.” she stated with resolve.

“Umm, yeah. Anyone is better. I’m sorry he’s not good. He’s not good to you. I can’t tell you what I want for you…you know I’m not good with words but he isn’t what I want for you.” She said quietly, with reservation.

“He isn’t what I want for me either. I’d rather be alone.” She said sadly.

“You won’t be alone. I promise you within 6 months of looking you’ll find someone. Again, anyone is better than him.”

“You’re right. It’s time to say goodbye to two chapters of my life. My job and my man.” She stated firmly.

"It’s only the beginning. The best is yet to come.”

Her friend bid goodbye.

She thought back to her trip with her man. They had watched the guards in London march in perfect sequence. One set to their new post and the other to exit theirs. In flawless lines the change had occurred. It was orderly and effortless. By watching you knew it was meant to happen at certain times and during certain occasions. It happened as a matter of course at scheduled intervals. Her life was following suit. With change often comes the hardest set of goodbyes. The saying of those sets often gives way to another greeting, that of hello. Hello to something altogether new and often more refreshing.

Some Male Hints.

I can’t begin to expound on the amount of angst the male species has brought upon me at times. Try as I could in times past to understand them, they remained a species so unlike my own as to leave me in complete bewilderment. As bewildering as they may be, I want one, a man I mean. We all do don’t we? Their’s was a mystery of method and thinking I couldn’t quite grasp.

I had all but given up understanding the male mind and their world until I was by involuntary means forced to live in a man’s world. My mother passed away leaving me to co-exist with my father the stranger. During the same year I got a boyfriend and male friends seemed to proliferate. The quest to understanding men began.

I’ve come to learn a few things about love and men along the way. The love part we’ll hold for another tale. I’ve learned how to “just get along” with the men in my life. It wasn’t an easy lesson for a girlie girl who never could “get” the male mind. The inspiration came from unexpected sources. It didn’t come from my boyfriend of 1 ½ years but rather from male friends, my father, my boss and my clients. The way you “work” with a man is different than the way you work with a woman. Your marriage, your relationships and the success of your job will in some part hinge on your understanding of the sexes. Here’s a few tips I picked up along the way to elucidate my point:

1. Feel free to make specific requests when dealing with a male. Don’t fear being a b-tch. Men aren’t like women, meaning they value direct, concise requests. Please keep in mind the more “winded” you are in making a request the less you’ll get in return. Brief is best. Ex: I prefer small baking potatoes of uniform size. This is so they cook at the same time. If they are different sizes when cooking one is undercooked, the other overderdone. This is too much information for my dad. Best bet. State the obvious “please buy me 2 small baking potatoes that are about the same size”. If you’ve ever noticed why your male boss doesn’t explain but just tells it’s b/c he’s male and values conciseness.

2. Always recognize when a man does something for you. No matter how small it is call attention to it!! Appreciation is key when the men in your life do something you like. Make sure they know you like what they’re doing. This applies even at work. Trust me it does. My boss often files paperwork I give him even though it’s my job. Of late I’ve made it a point to recognize how great it was that I didn’t have to do that. He does it more now.

3. It’s ok to feel attractive. It’s ok to admit it when in the presence of men. They assume you already know it. Unlike woman, they won’t think you’re awful for stating what they think is obvious.

4. As a woman it’s ok to sit back and be happy with what the man does for you. Really, it’s ok. You can just be happy he’s being nice to you and thank him for his efforts. You don’t have to go nuts writing letters, texting him, calling him, sending gifts etc. Just be happy that he makes you happy and make it obvious that he does. I.e. state-“I had a great time tonight or thanks for setting up my computer…I’m so happy!”

5. Listen to what matters to him and be interested in it. I’d suggested a good “fake” if you have to. I’ve always hated “faking” it but found that when my dad talks about work being interested in his day buys me about 5-10 minutes more of “me” talk. So I see it as creating a “win-win” situation. My boss loves to talk of the cases he just won. Frankly I don’t care, as I wasn’t the person who won the case. However, a gesture of good will is to listen and at the end of the story say “Wow, I’m impressed”. He walks away happy and doesn’t page me for the next 15 minutes. Mission accomplished!

I’m not saying the above it true for every guy but in the last year it’s helped me go from being the last girl a man thinks about to being the first. Daddy bought me a Valentine, the boyfriend took me on an overnight trip complete with champagne in the room (can we imagine how “thrilled” I became over this?) and Jilly’s had more dates or at least appears more datable this year than in times past! So why wasn’t I told this before? It isn’t obvious to all of us.

The End of Chapter 26

Chapter 26 is nearing an almost definite end. Chapter 27 is about to begin. She began Chapter 26 in bewilderment. She was a little girl desperately clutching onto the hope that someone in this world cared enough to take care of her. Throughout Chapter 26 she clung to a man who didn't and wouldn't take care of her. Through the year he poked, stabbed and crushed the romantic dreams of the strawberry blond who believed that one day her prince would come. They'd date, fall in love and start a beautiful family. Only the lonely, dark introvert had no thoughts or dreams of making hers a reality. So, at the onset of the closing of Chapter 26 she has closed the door to happily ever after with the boyish, dark introvert. As said in Pride and Prejudice "that chapter is definitely closed". With those words she says "good, I deserved better".

Chapter 26 was an interesting one. It was the birthing process from girl to woman. It didn't happen over night but rather in small almost undetectable stages. She almost didn't see it happening. Suddenly one day her tastes became defined, her dreams became attainable and her faith became the work of her own autobiography as opposed to living another's biography.

She watched as family's prepared for Easter. Mom would prepare the meal, dad would cut the meat and children would arrive and "assist" the process. The strawberry blond hunted through cooking magazines, online recipe sites and sought the advice of her mother's friend as to how to prepare her first ham. She chopped, minced and simmered all day Saturday and had everyone come on Sunday. The ham was a success and her life was moving successfully in a new direction.