What Do You Want

I just finished rubbing a tear off my face after watching "Bethenny Gets Married". In the season finale Bethenny states that she never thought she'd be able to have it all. She thought she'd have to choose between having a career or having a family. She learned she can have it all. I do relate. At 30 years old, I stepped away from my life and asked myself where I want to be. Then I realized I wasn't close. The more I began asking myself what I wanted, the more I realized I didn't know. Or did I know and I just didn't want to admit it?

I'm not cut from the same cloth. I've always chosen to fight, forge a new path and have refused to settle for the status quo. I have a lot of passions and dreams and while I've haven't always known how to get them, I still clasp onto them. What I've learned, recently, is getting what you want means knowing what you want and having the willingness to work hard for it. Success isn't about just showing up. It's about showing up, rolling up your sleeves and getting to work. No one has had a career or anything else for that matter come to them. That realization came after reading old journal entries and reviewing my previous blog articles. Instead of hard work, I chose the path of least resistence. I wallowed in self pity, grief and loneliness which was leading me down a pathway to bitterness. Life doesn't have to be bitter and it isn't all bad.

What is it that I want right now? Friends to enjoy myself with, to continue down my career path, and to live on my own. I want to be self sufficient. I want to be able to say I've made it on my own. I don't want to rush into marriage and motherhood. I feel there are experiences I must have. It's taken me a long time to realize that God has ordered my path and the path He's chosen is much better than my own. I have only a glimmer of its reality but I'm enjoying it. God means our lives to be good. We can't focus on every horrible situation and forget to reflect on the blessings.

I hope you take some things away from this post.

1. Life contains good and bad circumstances. Learn to accept both as the will of God. Have faith that He'll lead you out of them. It may take time but it will happen.
2. We cleave to our own path but the path God makes for us is smoother and leads to lasting happiness.
3. Learn to communicate what you want to your employers, your friends and your family. People cannot help you if you don't tell them what you need help in.
4. Getting what you want entails prayer and hard work on your part. Some things will not just come to you because you prayed. Yet, you should start and end with prayer.
5. Not every thought is from God. Ask God to help you discern the truth from a lie. This takes wisdom. Seek God's wisdom in your life. Continue on your path until God corrects you. Trust that He will!
6. Sometimes the things we ask for don't happen on our timetable. Self healing may need to occur. Ask God to grow you into the best version of yourself you can be. Only He can do the work.

Being Vulnerable & The Outcome Of It

I've always been a person open to criticism. Or should I call it feedback? That's what we call it in the HR world. I digress but shouldn't. Last week I took a huge chance and posted my online dating profile in a public forum and welcomed feedback from male viewers. The responses were enlightening. A lot of good came of it. For one thing, I've learned men prefer to see a full body photo and then a head shot. It seems men fear a woman who posts just a head shot is fat! Hmpf! One viewer said the object of your headline and photo and is to increase "click ability". Flattering photos and a catchy screen name or headline will do the trick. Yep, you guessed it. The guys were right. Within several days of swapping my initial photo from a head shot to a full profile shot, I received emails from 5 men within my target market. Great!

Moving along to a more serious topic though. Most men felt my profile lacked pertinent details they wanted to know. I decided to experiment. I swapped the photos out and then left the profile "as is". Men responded with interest. When I added "softer" comments such as about my desire to be a nurturing mother with examples of how my own mother nurtured me, the quality of men improved. I delved deeper and added my desire to help neglected children and my hopes to one day be married. Yep, the men responded in turn.

What did this prove to me? It proved a couple things. Being "you" means revealing "you". My inner desires, sewn tightly to my heart, are the key to finding a great man.  May we all grow into the men and women Christ desires us to be.

The Outcome of Reduced Facebook & Email Time

So last week I proposed a self imposed challenge. For one week I was going to log into Facebook and my email account only 2 times a day. I logged in once in the morning and once in the evening. On several days, extenuating circumstances made it necessary to login a few more times but for the most part, I kept the rule. The results? Fascinating. The first several days were torment. I liken it to going "breadless" for 2 weeks while starting the South Beach diet. Just like the South Beach diet, the pain meant a definite gain. By day 3 I was feeling peaceful, less agitated and more in control of my hectic electronic life.

It's the end of the challenge and I must admit, this exercise has proved that technology has the benefits of being a glass half full or a glass half empty. I no longer frantically login to see "what's going on" and have more self control over my thoughts and actions. Try the challenge. You might feel as free as I do!

My 7 Day Email & Facebook Challenge

I discovered in prayer that my desire for love and friendship is causing me to be distracted. I asked the Lord this morning, how to die to all this. I want to get married; or at least move out; or at least not to want either thing. A thought came to me; and whether it's from God, I can't be sure. Could it be the desire isn't the problem, the distraction is? My desire for companionship, love and independence has created an endless urge to check my email, my text messages and my online dating account. Sometimes I've found myself checking them every 15 minutes. I leave my email and facebook account open while I'm working so I can feel "connected". Instead of feeling connected, I lose my focus and get depressed. The cause of the depression? My friends have momentarily stopped texting, my emails are all spam and the three gentlemen I was corresponding with have poofed before a date was even suggested.

Ok, I just reviewed what I wrote previously. I don't see the connection between desire and distraction but I'm going to experiment. Here's my 7 day self imposed challenge for the next week:

1. Personal Email:  Login to  email account 2x a day. Once in the morning and once at night. Respond only in the evening to messages. Otherwise, emailed account remains closed.

2. Facebook: Check Facebook statuses & event updates once per day in the evening.

3. Add Productivity: Finish all household chores, organize all that needs to be organized & close the loop on what needs closing. In essence, replace perusing the internet with housework.

I'm curious to see if my personal challenge will help me feel better about my lack of dating life, my social situation etc. Stay tuned as I write about my experiences. 

The Desires of Sin - How to Die To Them

In keeping with the thorn, I have this desire that likes to crop up in my life. It's actually a strand of desires that while they aren't sin, they can quickly become the focus of many thoughts and use up quite a lot of time throughout the day. When does a desire become a sin? I believe a desire becomes a sin when it becomes exactly that. James 1:14-15 tells us that "but each man is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed. Then the lust, when it hath conceived, beareth sin: and the sin, when it is full grown, bringeth forth death." We must daily ask the Lord to deliver us from temptation which is exactly what Jesus asked us to do when he modeled a prayer for his disciples. The question I posed the Lord this morning is, are there any steps I can take to put these desires in their proper place?

We are to be united with Jesus is in His death. How do we do that? We do that by dying to ourselves. That means not only dying to the sin in our lives but dying to everything. It's not that who we are and what are no longer exist, it's that the Lord must make whatever we are completely new. We must be born again. The work doesn't end when we accept the Lord and are born again. We must then get to know the Lord (Col 3.10) by the reading of His word. The word will renew us our minds and make us knowledgeable of God's expectations for his followers. See Col 3:1-8.

Once we know how God wants us to live, we begin to ask the Lord to show us the areas of our life that is in sin and we begin to obey. The Lord tells us that he prefers obedience to the confession of our sins. We're called to keep ourselves from idols. Sometimes we don't know what those idols are but as the Lord reveals them to us we must purge them out. The purging starts with our thoughts. We must test every thought and make it subject to the Lord. This happens by prayer. See 1 John 4:1 and 2 Cor 10:5.

Once we know a thought is not of God, we must stop thinking it! The best way to do that is to think about other things. See Phil 4 on what we ought to be thinking about. If we are tempted to sin, we need to flee the situation like Joseph did when Potipher's wife approached him. We must also be sure that we are doing the work God has asked us to do. This isn't always preaching the gospel outside the home. It's sometimes about doing the laundry, paying the bills, organizing our linen closet and submitting to whom God has put over us. See Titus 2 and 1 Cor 15:58.

Dear believer, trust the Lord. Obey Him in all You know is right. Trust Him with all the outcomes and you will be surprised at the peace you receive and the blessings God gives. He never, ever forgets us.

The Power of Christ

I awakened at 5 a.m. with a burden I never seem quite able to shake. Perhaps I can liken it to the thorn that was given to Paul in 2 Cor 12. He asked the Lord three times to remove the thorn and it was not removed. An answer was given though. The Lord told him "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness". We often cannot remove the "thorns" in our lives. In Paul's case it was something that vexed him so that he wouldn't become too prideful. I can't explain what the case is in my situation but I can say that the answer is always given. The Lord's grace is over our weaknesses. Through Him we are given the power to overcome our burdens and weaknesses. In fact, we can glory in them because God's power is much greater than anything we can experience on earth! The Lord prefers to release His power when we are at our weakest state. So being weak is actually to our benefit. 2 Cor 4:7 tells us that we have this treasure in earthen vessels so that the excellency of the power of Christ might be revealed. It's through our weak human strength that God's power is best revealed. May we pray that His power be made manifest in our weaknesses.