Relating to Conflict

On Tuesday I went to a book signing and conversation with the authors of a recently published book, Your So Called Life, and was relieved to learn many women are facing the same challenges I'm facing as a nearly 30 year old woman. One particular challenge has been enlightening. As I round the 30 year mile marker, I've learned how to respond better to relational conflict. I'm learning that as I grow older I'm becoming more established in my viewpoints. These viewpoints have caused a clash between friends, family and work. I'm learning to accept that conflicts are inevitable in all relationships. Here's a little cheat sheet I do now to guide me through the clashing storms of conflict. It goes like this...

IT STARTED WITH ME
-  Lord examine and reveal my heart.
   Did I contribute to the situation?
   Am I jealous about something?
   Why do I feel the way I feel? 
   Ultimately is it me? 
- Sometimes I don't know exactly why I feel the way I do but You do. Help me understand myself.   

SOMETHING TRIGGERED IT
- Lord, help me to be patient with this person. Let me not presume I know the heart of another because only you do. Help me gain understanding by seeking Your knowledge.
- What was the context of the conflict?
   Where did it occur?
   Why did it occur?
   What did I say or do?
   Could I have said or done something differently?

HOW DO I RESPOND?
- Is this something I should respond to? Is it the right season to respond? Lord, help me know the appropriate time in approaching this.
    How well do I know this person?
    How well do I know their character?
    Is this typical for them?
- Do I know enough about the "clash" or do I need further information? More information is usually best. Help me listen to the other person and not feel the need to defend myself. You are my defense.
- How do I respond to this? Remind me that I must not start or continue an argument. Help me humbly address the situation if that is what's needed.

The theme is consistent. Conflict starts and ends with me. With Christ's help I must ascertain what direction to take the conflict in. God will give discernment and wisdom as to pursuing or not pursuing the issue as well as the strength to forgive.