The most memorable thing about her is her laugh. You can hear the giggling chuckle of her laugh from down the hall. She seems to give way to the 1/2 giggle, 1/2 chuckle regularly throughout the day. Her eyes are the grey of a New England morning stretching across the Atlantic. Her features are angled but not severe. Her age is unknown. She has one of those creaseless faces; yet she isn't terribly young. She's middle aged but in what decade, one really couldn't tell.
I stood at the entry of her window office. The sun sat low in the sky, a goldenrod in early fall afternoon. The trees cast midday shadows that tapped against the grass as the breeze swept by. I had a work question but suddenly it began leading us away into a topic far deeper and more interesting than attrition data.
"You know I'm going on vacation soon?" she squealed as she raised herself up and down in her seat.
"Really? Where are you headed?" I asked
"To an artist's colony for 2 whole weeks...it's grand isn't it?" her eyes began reflect the light of excitement.
"I'm headed there to do these a bit better" she said with raised eyebrows. With a flourish of the hand, she dug into her briefcase and produced a sketch book with multiple portraits. They were brilliant, life like and enviable.
"Wow," I said breathlessly. "Are you going with anyone?" I immediately assumed she'd be going there with a sister, friend, husband, child etc.
"No! That's the beauty of it. I'm going all alone!!!" she practically leapt off her chair as she wildly clapped her hands in excitement.
I nodded my head and began to run different admirable thoughts through my head. She sensed my paused reservation. I noticed she seemed to take my reflection as a hesitation. I assumed she didn’t like pauses or breaks in conversation.
“I can’t wait to head there alone. It’ll be such a reprieve from everything.”
“Really?” I answered quizzically. I was questioning how anyone could relish two weeks alone but didn’t want to state that.
“Oh yes. I remember the time I kept telling my husband I wanted to see a particular play. He kept promising he’d take me and well…he never got around to. So I decided to make a date for it. I told a close friend at work that I was going on a date. ‘with your husband’, she asked. ‘No!’ ‘With a lover then?’ ‘Nope! With myself’. So I purchased my one ticket, informed my husband of my being out for evening and went. I never enjoyed a play so much. Not because the play was fantastic but because it was the first time I could sit through something and not worry if my companion had enjoyed it. I could just enjoy it or hate it without anyone. It was fabulous”. She triumphantly declared.
“I think that’s great. I wish I didn’t feel so alone when I’m doing things like that,” I said wistfully.
With squinted eyes and pursed lips pursed, she began thinking. “What would being alone look like if everything was ok?” she asked not looking at me but just into the room.
I widened my eyes and began to think. It wasn’t something I could imagine…yet. Our conversation was brought to a halting stop by a passerby. I headed to my desk and continued to think. She lit a concept of self awareness I hadn’t anticipated. What would life be like if I didn’t feel lonely? Perhaps I was concentrating too much of my efforts on making new friends rather than focusing on befriending myself.
What did I like to do when others weren’t around? Not having the answer to that question was cause for concern and also cause for growth.
I stood at the entry of her window office. The sun sat low in the sky, a goldenrod in early fall afternoon. The trees cast midday shadows that tapped against the grass as the breeze swept by. I had a work question but suddenly it began leading us away into a topic far deeper and more interesting than attrition data.
"You know I'm going on vacation soon?" she squealed as she raised herself up and down in her seat.
"Really? Where are you headed?" I asked
"To an artist's colony for 2 whole weeks...it's grand isn't it?" her eyes began reflect the light of excitement.
"I'm headed there to do these a bit better" she said with raised eyebrows. With a flourish of the hand, she dug into her briefcase and produced a sketch book with multiple portraits. They were brilliant, life like and enviable.
"Wow," I said breathlessly. "Are you going with anyone?" I immediately assumed she'd be going there with a sister, friend, husband, child etc.
"No! That's the beauty of it. I'm going all alone!!!" she practically leapt off her chair as she wildly clapped her hands in excitement.
I nodded my head and began to run different admirable thoughts through my head. She sensed my paused reservation. I noticed she seemed to take my reflection as a hesitation. I assumed she didn’t like pauses or breaks in conversation.
“I can’t wait to head there alone. It’ll be such a reprieve from everything.”
“Really?” I answered quizzically. I was questioning how anyone could relish two weeks alone but didn’t want to state that.
“Oh yes. I remember the time I kept telling my husband I wanted to see a particular play. He kept promising he’d take me and well…he never got around to. So I decided to make a date for it. I told a close friend at work that I was going on a date. ‘with your husband’, she asked. ‘No!’ ‘With a lover then?’ ‘Nope! With myself’. So I purchased my one ticket, informed my husband of my being out for evening and went. I never enjoyed a play so much. Not because the play was fantastic but because it was the first time I could sit through something and not worry if my companion had enjoyed it. I could just enjoy it or hate it without anyone. It was fabulous”. She triumphantly declared.
“I think that’s great. I wish I didn’t feel so alone when I’m doing things like that,” I said wistfully.
With squinted eyes and pursed lips pursed, she began thinking. “What would being alone look like if everything was ok?” she asked not looking at me but just into the room.
I widened my eyes and began to think. It wasn’t something I could imagine…yet. Our conversation was brought to a halting stop by a passerby. I headed to my desk and continued to think. She lit a concept of self awareness I hadn’t anticipated. What would life be like if I didn’t feel lonely? Perhaps I was concentrating too much of my efforts on making new friends rather than focusing on befriending myself.
What did I like to do when others weren’t around? Not having the answer to that question was cause for concern and also cause for growth.
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