I discovered in prayer that my desire for love and friendship is causing me to be distracted. I asked the Lord this morning, how to die to all this. I want to get married; or at least move out; or at least not to want either thing. A thought came to me; and whether it's from God, I can't be sure. Could it be the desire isn't the problem, the distraction is? My desire for companionship, love and independence has created an endless urge to check my email, my text messages and my online dating account. Sometimes I've found myself checking them every 15 minutes. I leave my email and facebook account open while I'm working so I can feel "connected". Instead of feeling connected, I lose my focus and get depressed. The cause of the depression? My friends have momentarily stopped texting, my emails are all spam and the three gentlemen I was corresponding with have poofed before a date was even suggested.
Ok, I just reviewed what I wrote previously. I don't see the connection between desire and distraction but I'm going to experiment. Here's my 7 day self imposed challenge for the next week:
1. Personal Email: Login to email account 2x a day. Once in the morning and once at night. Respond only in the evening to messages. Otherwise, emailed account remains closed.
2. Facebook: Check Facebook statuses & event updates once per day in the evening.
3. Add Productivity: Finish all household chores, organize all that needs to be organized & close the loop on what needs closing. In essence, replace perusing the internet with housework.
I'm curious to see if my personal challenge will help me feel better about my lack of dating life, my social situation etc. Stay tuned as I write about my experiences.
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