It's not been easy to watch all my friends get married, plan vacations and anticipate their futures with someone. The older I get, the more solemnly I yearn for such an experience. A part of me can't imagine standing somewhere, perhaps under the moonlight and having my boyfriend tell me he can't live without me and he must marry me. I can't imagine the courtship or being desired but I can imagine standing over the stove, cooking dinner. I can imagine reading our children a bedtime story, cuddling by a fire with my honey and even cooking Christmas dinner for all of us. I see myself hovering over the pregnancy test waiting for the blue plus sign to materialize and visualize telling him a baby is on its way. Why can't I imagine the courtship? Why can't I imagine meeting him?
My boss wrote me a beautiful note. In it she said I deserved the wonderful Christmas experience I had. Funny thing though, do I think I deserve romantic love? It feels as though no one is ever right for me and I'm waiting for some one who doesn't exist. Yet, he does exist. I think a part of it is allowing myself to wander into love and imagine it. I know God makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord help me to wait on Your Divine timing and to trust each outcome of my life to you.
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