Some Male Hints.

I can’t begin to expound on the amount of angst the male species has brought upon me at times. Try as I could in times past to understand them, they remained a species so unlike my own as to leave me in complete bewilderment. As bewildering as they may be, I want one, a man I mean. We all do don’t we? Their’s was a mystery of method and thinking I couldn’t quite grasp.

I had all but given up understanding the male mind and their world until I was by involuntary means forced to live in a man’s world. My mother passed away leaving me to co-exist with my father the stranger. During the same year I got a boyfriend and male friends seemed to proliferate. The quest to understanding men began.

I’ve come to learn a few things about love and men along the way. The love part we’ll hold for another tale. I’ve learned how to “just get along” with the men in my life. It wasn’t an easy lesson for a girlie girl who never could “get” the male mind. The inspiration came from unexpected sources. It didn’t come from my boyfriend of 1 ½ years but rather from male friends, my father, my boss and my clients. The way you “work” with a man is different than the way you work with a woman. Your marriage, your relationships and the success of your job will in some part hinge on your understanding of the sexes. Here’s a few tips I picked up along the way to elucidate my point:

1. Feel free to make specific requests when dealing with a male. Don’t fear being a b-tch. Men aren’t like women, meaning they value direct, concise requests. Please keep in mind the more “winded” you are in making a request the less you’ll get in return. Brief is best. Ex: I prefer small baking potatoes of uniform size. This is so they cook at the same time. If they are different sizes when cooking one is undercooked, the other overderdone. This is too much information for my dad. Best bet. State the obvious “please buy me 2 small baking potatoes that are about the same size”. If you’ve ever noticed why your male boss doesn’t explain but just tells it’s b/c he’s male and values conciseness.

2. Always recognize when a man does something for you. No matter how small it is call attention to it!! Appreciation is key when the men in your life do something you like. Make sure they know you like what they’re doing. This applies even at work. Trust me it does. My boss often files paperwork I give him even though it’s my job. Of late I’ve made it a point to recognize how great it was that I didn’t have to do that. He does it more now.

3. It’s ok to feel attractive. It’s ok to admit it when in the presence of men. They assume you already know it. Unlike woman, they won’t think you’re awful for stating what they think is obvious.

4. As a woman it’s ok to sit back and be happy with what the man does for you. Really, it’s ok. You can just be happy he’s being nice to you and thank him for his efforts. You don’t have to go nuts writing letters, texting him, calling him, sending gifts etc. Just be happy that he makes you happy and make it obvious that he does. I.e. state-“I had a great time tonight or thanks for setting up my computer…I’m so happy!”

5. Listen to what matters to him and be interested in it. I’d suggested a good “fake” if you have to. I’ve always hated “faking” it but found that when my dad talks about work being interested in his day buys me about 5-10 minutes more of “me” talk. So I see it as creating a “win-win” situation. My boss loves to talk of the cases he just won. Frankly I don’t care, as I wasn’t the person who won the case. However, a gesture of good will is to listen and at the end of the story say “Wow, I’m impressed”. He walks away happy and doesn’t page me for the next 15 minutes. Mission accomplished!

I’m not saying the above it true for every guy but in the last year it’s helped me go from being the last girl a man thinks about to being the first. Daddy bought me a Valentine, the boyfriend took me on an overnight trip complete with champagne in the room (can we imagine how “thrilled” I became over this?) and Jilly’s had more dates or at least appears more datable this year than in times past! So why wasn’t I told this before? It isn’t obvious to all of us.