Forgiveness Is No Art!

It was mid-October and my lunch hour. I sat in my car feeling utterly confused and defeated. I was miserable. I wasn't feeling lonely, depressed or anxious. What I was feeling was just plain hopeless. I was starting to snap at my co-workers and felt envious of my friends, who seemed to have brighter lives than me. The more I tried to control my feelings and their effect on those around me, the more I failed.

I turned to Romans 7 and began to read. The passage pointed out that we end up doing what we don't want to do. The problem was, I knew that already. Intellectually and physically I wanted to get rid of the envious feelings and the confused heart I had toward God. The problem was, even pouring over scripture did not send the usual answer. I prayed a hopeless prayer to God; asking Him to show me how to love these people. Then I took a nap in my car. I hoped that when I awoke the feelings of misery would pass. They didn't pass.

The following morning I felt better. Sleep has always helped restore me. The thoughts of "Why, Lord?" continued to plague me. I was starting to dread seeing my co-workers. I dreaded seeing them not because they were unpleasant but because they were a reminder of how jealous I was of the families they have, the husbands they married etc. I hated myself for feeling that way. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I couldn't get the victory. I had prayed, read my Bible and found no answers. The heavens were locked in silence and my banging on heaven's gates didn't supply the help needed. I digress. That morning, I spoke to my friend like always. She mentioned she needed to forgive a wrong that was committed against her. It hit me like a bolt of lightening. Forgiveness! Yet how did forgiveness play into envy and jealousy? I knew at the heart was forgiveness. When I got off the phone, I started to pray for forgiveness.

I didn't pray that I could forgive my friends, co-worker etc. I started to pray that God would forgive me. That He would forgive me for wanting a life He hadn't supplied. That He would empower me to love His will. I reasoned the life He gave me was His will. Jesus told us "but I came to bring them life, and far more life than before." I began to realize that I must never wonder why He's given me this life. It's a fruitful life and blessed by God. He's supplied my every need. I must not feel like I'm less blessed or more blessed than someone else.

I started to feel the power of God. It didn't stop there. I began to plead with God to please take away these envious feelings. I admitted I was completely unable to stop thinking the thoughts or stop wanting the life of another. It felt impossible. It seemed silly to ask God to stop the thoughts. It seemed counter-intuitive. I kept thinking that God wasn't a genie to rub. That I must seek self-control and get a handle on these feelings myself. I prayed it anyway because even through all my sincerity, I couldn't stop the way I felt. It was useless.

It was that prayer that taught me a most precious lesson. We serve a truly, merciful God. A God who didn't come into the world to condemn it but to save it. Jesus came to forgive us our sins and to help us forgive others, to love our enemies and to serve those around us. Before we came to Him, some of us tried very hard to be a good person. Yet sincerity is useless. The truth still exists - that we are sinners. The Lord Jesus wants to help us in our infirmities. He's waiting for us to say the simple prayer "I can't do this without You." Dear friend, wherever you are and whatever situation you are in, ask God to help you. It is impossible to forgive. It is impossible to love always. It is impossible for you and for me. It is not impossible for Jesus. Thank you Jesus that we are more than conquerors! "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”"