When Children Feel Hopeless

Dear Friend,

I was so grieved the other day by what you were telling me about your daughter’s feelings and your son I thought I’d write.

I sympathize with your children and found myself in that very position frequently during my childhood. To be raised by a father who withholds love is a very painful experience and a very difficult one to bear for the young. I often wondered how I’d survive it. My mother tried to protect me but I ended up feeling her pain as well as my own.

As I matured my mother passed away and left me in the position to face my father alone and also face all the feelings of rejection that had built up. I stand today in the same circumstance but with a very different attitude. On my behalf, perhaps your children can learn what God taught me.

He taught me that “When my father and mother forsake me, but the Lord will take me up.”Ps. 27:10. And take me up He has! He brought a grief counselor into my life for free when I needed her, the generous friendship of my mother’s best friend who I call every day on the way to work, a co-worker who has borne my tears and grief with me and male friends who have proven that some men do exist to care for another and to love in ways my father hasn’t. He’s given me the wisdom to turn down dates that weren’t right for me and even to select a job that would support my current emotional state. Nevertheless, at this time your children aren’t alone and they are loved – by you. While their father may have forsaken them, their mother has not and will not. There are people in this world that grow up with no one to love them. Had a colleague not adopted her child from the orphanage, he’d have grown up with less love or none at all. We can be thankful for at least a mother who truly loves and I know you really love your children. Yes, you have to work and you are not always home but in those times of loneliness, your son and daughter can pray to God and ask for peace and comfort through the lonely moments. I promise you it will come!

Most importantly, even when both parents are not present, God is there. The Bible tells us that “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Eph. 2:10 Our children are not ours but God’s and He has a design for their life. They are here and living because He desires them to. It is not for any of us to decide if life is worth living. Of course it is though! God has great things in store for your children and has a path designed with only them in mind. They are special in His site and beloved. It’s the reason my mother was able to tell me the night before she died that all would be ok for me and whatever happened, I would be ok. She was right! God has a plan for my life, a plan for yours and definitely one for your children. “Sorrow may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” Ps. 30:5 It truly does because I’ve watched so many I know triumph through horrible times. God has good works prepared; they simply take time to unfold.

I hope what I’ve written isn’t offensive. I just know how that feels and sympathize with a child that feels lost and insignificant in a very impersonal world.