A Fatal Flaw - Refusing to Embrace Differences

I'll start with my first thoughts, if only b/c they're so amusing and I love a good story...oh wait, I love telling a good story...or hearing one? Dunno. When you mentioned that you rarely meet anyone who shares, my initial thought was I encounter the opposite, why is that? I keep a box of tissues next to my PC for the passerby who will stop in and just need a good cry! I think I know the intimate details of all my friends. Truth be told, I'd be offended if they didn't share so I'm not complaining! That wasn't a good story though was it? Sorry, I'm definitely in my joking sort of "must have a good time or die" mood. This weekend will prove interesting.

I digress from the religious discussion which at this point is certainly interesting. Perhaps at the heart of it is the fact that I've been down this road many times and even have a miserably failed romantic relationship due to it. So, I must admit that reading your very strong take (it seemed stronger than some), had me questioning middle ground. Here's the thing...religion doesn't always matter when it comes to friendship (my best friend is Hindu -- u could argue it's a religion but pantheism and monotheism aren't the same) but it has mattered a lot in my romances. Since you're not offering romance, it's definitely possible to forge a friendship -- I'm not sure I can guarantee more but then again you're not offering more, how presumptuous of me!

But, let's remove the faith thing for a second though b/c it brought me to an interesting observation about myself. I avoid differences yet I see the need in highlighting the differences and the flaw in my stance to avoid them. There's no argument there.

So to conclude, you've highlighted a prevalent flaw in my character and I'm thankful. No worries, you're the 3^rd person to highlight it so I really need to pay attention. I'll begin fixing it through prayer. While finding the middle ground in the faith issue might prove an insurmountable challenge b/c we're at opposite ends of it, there's middle ground in terms of disposition. Perhaps had you known that I shirk from blunt honesty you could've been honest but more diplomatic? I think I misused the word filter. I didn't mean not to say what you have to say; rather to say it a little more softly b/c I really, really love the God I serve and I might be hurt if someone doesn't love Him the way I do. I get why others don't love Him and accept it but for whatever stupid reason - and it's stupid, it still hurts. Mitigating the damages can be helpful.  And you guessed it, I'd be offended if someone doesn't like my favorite restaurant too! I appreciate diplomacy but tend to shut down with blunt honesty. With bluntness I just can't let the person in and I've tried. I've learned this through the men I've dated. Heck, I've only learned from the men I've dated b/c they're the only ones who've been honest with me! Actually that's not true. My boss is excellent at delivering positive and negative feedback in a form that I can accept. On my end, I have to work on allowing people to be honest and not taking it too personally nor relating it to some other instance that happened. I also need to learn to respect differences.

Of course these conversations have proved enlightening. I've discovered a possibility of why people share with me and also came to understand a scripture that's been mysterious for several years now. Thanks! So, when all is said and done, I welcome your thoughts & will try my best not to be overly sensitive about them. I'm happy to discuss my faith, I just hesitate to argue over it, if that makes sense. But then again, I hate to debate anything. But perhaps knowing my flaw, you understand a little more as to why? But the discovery of why people tell me so much and this scripture is fascinating. Thanks again!

Childish Dreams or God's Will?

A co-worker said something to me that really shed some light on a struggle I've been having. I was telling her of my disappointment in not getting a manager title nor a raise for my title change. I need the money and desire to move out. She said, "From getting to know you, have you ever thought that perhaps you're not getting what you want because you really don't want it?" I asked what she meant and she said, "It seems your heart is more towards finding a husband, having children and making a difference in the lives of those you meet. While you love your job, perhaps you secretly love something else more?". There's more to the convo but I'll stop there so as not to bore you, you precious reader!

Perhaps God's plan and what's secretly in my heart is a shade different - hence it hasn't worked out? Heck, it might even be better!  I'm finding that sometimes childish dreams stubbornly remain and maybe it's because they aren't dreams...could they be God's will from day 1?

When Children Feel Hopeless

Dear Friend,

I was so grieved the other day by what you were telling me about your daughter’s feelings and your son I thought I’d write.

I sympathize with your children and found myself in that very position frequently during my childhood. To be raised by a father who withholds love is a very painful experience and a very difficult one to bear for the young. I often wondered how I’d survive it. My mother tried to protect me but I ended up feeling her pain as well as my own.

As I matured my mother passed away and left me in the position to face my father alone and also face all the feelings of rejection that had built up. I stand today in the same circumstance but with a very different attitude. On my behalf, perhaps your children can learn what God taught me.

He taught me that “When my father and mother forsake me, but the Lord will take me up.”Ps. 27:10. And take me up He has! He brought a grief counselor into my life for free when I needed her, the generous friendship of my mother’s best friend who I call every day on the way to work, a co-worker who has borne my tears and grief with me and male friends who have proven that some men do exist to care for another and to love in ways my father hasn’t. He’s given me the wisdom to turn down dates that weren’t right for me and even to select a job that would support my current emotional state. Nevertheless, at this time your children aren’t alone and they are loved – by you. While their father may have forsaken them, their mother has not and will not. There are people in this world that grow up with no one to love them. Had a colleague not adopted her child from the orphanage, he’d have grown up with less love or none at all. We can be thankful for at least a mother who truly loves and I know you really love your children. Yes, you have to work and you are not always home but in those times of loneliness, your son and daughter can pray to God and ask for peace and comfort through the lonely moments. I promise you it will come!

Most importantly, even when both parents are not present, God is there. The Bible tells us that “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Eph. 2:10 Our children are not ours but God’s and He has a design for their life. They are here and living because He desires them to. It is not for any of us to decide if life is worth living. Of course it is though! God has great things in store for your children and has a path designed with only them in mind. They are special in His site and beloved. It’s the reason my mother was able to tell me the night before she died that all would be ok for me and whatever happened, I would be ok. She was right! God has a plan for my life, a plan for yours and definitely one for your children. “Sorrow may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.” Ps. 30:5 It truly does because I’ve watched so many I know triumph through horrible times. God has good works prepared; they simply take time to unfold.

I hope what I’ve written isn’t offensive. I just know how that feels and sympathize with a child that feels lost and insignificant in a very impersonal world.

Grant me faith to hope when I can't see

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Cor. 5:7

But that's not all! We gladly suffer, because we know that suffering helps us to endure. ⁴And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope ⁵that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love.

Lord Jesus, as I lay my head upon my pillow and say the last words of my prayer, grant me your love. Help me to love you enough to not require to "see" the future. The future is yours. My life is yours. This trial is one that's teaching me how to be abased. Perhaps it's through our need that we learn what it is to be full in Christ and to be thankful for His provision.  It's through tribulation that we learn that the Lord never dissapoints us - He always comes through.

Trusting God for the Spiritual and the Physical

2011 was heralded in with a canon of loneliness shooting holes into my armor of faith. The darkness felt dense. I'm learning two important lessons as I begin the year. The first is to trust God for the strength for each day and the second is to make my requests known to God.

With respect to the first point, I'm learning not to allow worry to creep in and plague my soul but rather to trust God. As children of God we live in the light and walk in the blessings of God. As we walk in the day and in the light of God's blessings, He will give us the strength to face each day. We can't worry about the next day or the next month. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof. My mother always told me to stop fretting over "the what ifs" because they might never happen. I've found myself worrying about what it will be like to live in this house forever, to never get married or have children. Those are all worse case scenarios and likely won't happen. Why? They won't happen because Jesus promises to give us what we ask when we're in His will. This goes into the second point; to make my requests made known to God.

I recognize that there's a fine line here. I avoid the faith message and the notion that God is here to bless us and because of that always hesitate to ask God to bless me but the truth is; as I step into 2011, I really need His blessings. I need His strength to face the loneliness that's engulfing me and the courage to say no to the temptation to do sinful activities just to fill the loneliness. I need His mercy to find me new spiritually strong friends and a husband that fears God. I can't get any of these things without Him.  When I seek Jesus first, meaning (1) pray to get His guidance and (2) desire His will in our lives, why wouldn't He grant me the consolation of a godly man and children in my future?

Here's my back-up reading on this...
Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be.

(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek.) For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

And this is the confidence that we have in Him: that if we ask anything according to His will, He heareth us. And if we know that He hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him.

Trust in the LORD and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

Fret not about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,


The question remains, how do we know we're asking in the will of God? We do this by asking God to examine our hearts, test us for any presumptuous sins and give us the wisdom. God will reveal to us, while we're seeking Him if what we're asking for is out of line. If we're asking for something spiritual, then more than likely it will be granted. Nevertheless, this quote from Charles Spurgeon's sermon titled "As They Days, So Shall They Strength Be" is telling. He says:

"Once more, it does not say, our strength shall be as our fears. God often leaves us to shift alone with our fears,—never with our troubles...I have known an old lady sit and fret because she believed she should die in a workhouse and she wanted God to give her grace accordingly; but what would have been the good of that? because the Lord meant that she should die in her own quiet bedroom?...your day shall never be more troublesome, or more full of temptation, than your strength shall be full of deliverance." See: http://www.spurgeon.org/sermons/0210.htm

So dear Saint, I quiver a bit in saying that this year I'm going to trust God not merely for the spiritual strength but also for the physical comfort I long for. I long for a place to call home but recognize I'm just a pilgrim and therefore don't desire a mansion but will be satisfied with a cottage. I long for a husband to love and children to tend. Perhaps it's not in His will for me to ask but I'm learning that sometimes in order to receive, we must ask. Forgive me dear Jesus if I'm wrong and correct me speadily.

Making Difficult Decisions

When making tough decisions, these are some comforting words for me.

"He Who hath led will lead

All through the wilderness,

He Who hath fed will surely feed ...

He Who hath heard thy cry

Will never close His ear,

He Who hath marked thy faintest sigh

Will not forget thy tear.

He loveth always, faileth never,

So rest on Him today .... for ever."

These words were penned by Mrs. Carmichael to her daughter, Amy Carmichael. Amy was, at the time, testing her desire to be a missionary. She left later that year for Japan and became the woman who rescued temple children from a life of prostitution in India.

Another favorite is Ps. 143.10 "You are my God. Show me what you want me to do, and let your gentle Spirit lead me in the right path."

God never fails to lead us when we prayerfully consider the path we take. You won't make a mistake. Just remember that wherever you are and wherever you go, Jesus is with you. We need nothing else! Ponder each step in prayer as you make it and don't take another step until God's peace is in your heart. The peace means you're in the will of God.

My Plans Are Thine

"We make our own plans, but the LORD decides where we will go." Prov. 16:9

How do you make plans for the future? You must wean yourself from the world's wisdom and always seek the will of God. A servant has no plans except that which the Master has ordained. His plans will always be made known to you in the form of His word (the Bible), solid preaching and godly counsel. 

Trust the Lord and do good. Settle it within yourself that God is overall. Take one step and ask God to illuminate the next. No need to fret. With God for us who can be against us? Have faith, dear child. Your only plan ought to be - Lord, here I am, send me.

What are you willing to lose when you stop planning? Your reputation perhaps. Can you sell all for the gospel? Can you live without material comfort? Life is more than food and the body more than clothes. Put Jesus first and you will have no regrets. Planning is unnecessary.