I woke up one morning to find more than a memory of you

When I close my eyes and feel the beating of my heart beneath my chest I feel you. When did I awaken from the jet lag of death to find myself you? Where did you go and will you ever come back? My heart beckons to hear the sound of your voice, to see your faint smile and feel the warmth that overcame me when I lay against your side.

When I was born, you were there. As I grew up you were always there. Through all the angst ridden teenage years and into my 20s you were there. Where are you? Where'd you go sweet mum? Your spirit was swept up from earth and left at the bosom of Christ. This loneliness crushes against my heart, lodges there and then thunders through my conscienceness. The pangs that only the heart feels and the voice can never sing rest within me.

What happened? I awoke one summer's morning, light flooding my bedroom and realized you had left your heart inside of mine and now I carry you. Everywhere I go are memories of you. Is it heartache, heartbreak or something almost sweet? What's the difference between the deepest of pain and the widest of joy? Are they one and the same?

It makes me think of this i carry your heart with me by Edward Estlin Cummings

I don't know. It just happened. I woke up one morning to find more than a memory of you.