The year is almost over and I know I wrote a post about some lessons I learned over the year. Here's another. As I face 2011, I can't help be a bit discouraged. The best way to battle discouragement is to take it to Jesus in prayer. During my time of prayer, I was led to a scripture that was featured today on my blog. To paraphrase it said to forget about the past and understand that God is starting something new. That statement excited me because it reminded me that the moment we live through something, it becomes a feature of the past. Only the present stretches before us. We don't even have the future. With each new day, God assigns a new portion of mercy and His love never ends.
I don't know what 2011 holds. My fears and excitement are bundled together. The idea of something new excites me and the thought of my sinful heart frightens me. Lord, help me to trust you patiently, to wait quietly on your wisdom and daily yield every atom of my being to you. Give me control over my feelings and help me to have the victory through Christ Jesus. Praise be to Jesus that He is the same every day!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Ringing in the New Year
At the stroke of midnight tonight, 2010 will end. Today, I'm busy contemplating the close of 2010 and the start of 2011. Yet as I pen "The End" to 2010, I've learned some thing.
1. Do not search for romantic love. God will bring you love in His perfect timing. In the interim, hide your life in Christ and diligently seek His love and approval.
2. Put the Word of God before you during every encounter whether you're encountering a man or a woman. The word of God is sharper than any two edged sword. A soul's reaction to the Word of God will reveal what type of person they really are. Avoid those who reject the gospel.
3. Be obedient to God in all things.
4. Pray always & give thanks, especially for and about all things.
5. Commit your way to the Lord and trust Him to always lead you.
6. Be mindful that just as we are forgiven, we are required to forgive others - regardless of the magnitude of the wrong.
Dear one, life is not so hard when we are hidden in Christ. Claim the power of Jesus in your life. Take His life and be healed by His abundant life. Following Jesus is easy when we claim the victory through Him. We love Him because he first loved us.
As the hymn goes: "Leaning on the everlasting arms."
1. Do not search for romantic love. God will bring you love in His perfect timing. In the interim, hide your life in Christ and diligently seek His love and approval.
2. Put the Word of God before you during every encounter whether you're encountering a man or a woman. The word of God is sharper than any two edged sword. A soul's reaction to the Word of God will reveal what type of person they really are. Avoid those who reject the gospel.
3. Be obedient to God in all things.
4. Pray always & give thanks, especially for and about all things.
5. Commit your way to the Lord and trust Him to always lead you.
6. Be mindful that just as we are forgiven, we are required to forgive others - regardless of the magnitude of the wrong.
Dear one, life is not so hard when we are hidden in Christ. Claim the power of Jesus in your life. Take His life and be healed by His abundant life. Following Jesus is easy when we claim the victory through Him. We love Him because he first loved us.
As the hymn goes: "Leaning on the everlasting arms."
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Discerning the Will of God
For quite sometime now I've been confused as to when I'm hearing from the Lord and when it's just something I've conjured up in my imagination. Of late, I've been deciding whether I should date someone or not. I was so confused as to what the will of God was. I prayed and prayed but could not discern the voice of the Lord in this instance.
I've learned several points with respect to discerning the voice of the Lord. (1) There are two types of wisdom. The first comes from mankind and is earthly, sensual and demonic. The second comes from God. It is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruites, without partiality and without hypocricy. In summary of the first point, the wisdom from God should lead us to righteousness. It should encourage us to be godly, to see our wrong in a situation and it will not seek it's own because God's love doesn't. (2) When discerning the will of God pay close attention to your heart. Is it confused, anxious or at peace with the wisdom you have received? There's a difference between confused anxiety and fear. If your mind is racing and the thoughts you are having are contrary to the wisdom you've received then you ought to keep pressing God for clarification or for an answer. Use Phil 4:6-7 as your guide. Ask Him to lead you to a scripture or seek godly counsel in the form of your pastor or spiritual mentor. Fear, on the other hand, arises when God has called us to a situation that we sense could be dangerous or we are inadequate to perform. This type of fear is natural and we need to pray for God's grace and strength. We know that God will give us the strength and it is enough to accomplish the task and that perfect love casts out fear.
So next time you are struggling to decifer the will or voice of God, remember that God's will, will always align with scripture, he will never go back on His word and God's wisdom will be in the best interest of all involved.
I've learned several points with respect to discerning the voice of the Lord. (1) There are two types of wisdom. The first comes from mankind and is earthly, sensual and demonic. The second comes from God. It is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruites, without partiality and without hypocricy. In summary of the first point, the wisdom from God should lead us to righteousness. It should encourage us to be godly, to see our wrong in a situation and it will not seek it's own because God's love doesn't. (2) When discerning the will of God pay close attention to your heart. Is it confused, anxious or at peace with the wisdom you have received? There's a difference between confused anxiety and fear. If your mind is racing and the thoughts you are having are contrary to the wisdom you've received then you ought to keep pressing God for clarification or for an answer. Use Phil 4:6-7 as your guide. Ask Him to lead you to a scripture or seek godly counsel in the form of your pastor or spiritual mentor. Fear, on the other hand, arises when God has called us to a situation that we sense could be dangerous or we are inadequate to perform. This type of fear is natural and we need to pray for God's grace and strength. We know that God will give us the strength and it is enough to accomplish the task and that perfect love casts out fear.
So next time you are struggling to decifer the will or voice of God, remember that God's will, will always align with scripture, he will never go back on His word and God's wisdom will be in the best interest of all involved.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Trusting Through the Inability to be Courted
It's not been easy to watch all my friends get married, plan vacations and anticipate their futures with someone. The older I get, the more solemnly I yearn for such an experience. A part of me can't imagine standing somewhere, perhaps under the moonlight and having my boyfriend tell me he can't live without me and he must marry me. I can't imagine the courtship or being desired but I can imagine standing over the stove, cooking dinner. I can imagine reading our children a bedtime story, cuddling by a fire with my honey and even cooking Christmas dinner for all of us. I see myself hovering over the pregnancy test waiting for the blue plus sign to materialize and visualize telling him a baby is on its way. Why can't I imagine the courtship? Why can't I imagine meeting him?
My boss wrote me a beautiful note. In it she said I deserved the wonderful Christmas experience I had. Funny thing though, do I think I deserve romantic love? It feels as though no one is ever right for me and I'm waiting for some one who doesn't exist. Yet, he does exist. I think a part of it is allowing myself to wander into love and imagine it. I know God makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord help me to wait on Your Divine timing and to trust each outcome of my life to you.
My boss wrote me a beautiful note. In it she said I deserved the wonderful Christmas experience I had. Funny thing though, do I think I deserve romantic love? It feels as though no one is ever right for me and I'm waiting for some one who doesn't exist. Yet, he does exist. I think a part of it is allowing myself to wander into love and imagine it. I know God makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord help me to wait on Your Divine timing and to trust each outcome of my life to you.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
The darkness shall never overtake take you.
"The light keeps shining in the dark, and darkness has never put it out"
Hallelujah to a great God. A God who decided to manifest Himself physically so that we might know Who created us, so that we might have access to Him, so that we might have victory through Him. The Word is Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ is the manifestation of God in physical form. The Holy Spirit is that same form, only in the spiritual sense. When we accept Jesus into our hearts, we accept the light of Word. That light becomes our life and our life raises us from the dead just as it raised Christ from the dead.
The galaxies are so huge we can't measure them, nor can we see beyond them into space. We can't comprehend anything because we aren't the Creator but when we invite the Word (Jesus) into our life, we can know all things because He knows all things. This perfect love casts out fear. This Word gives us the mind of Christ.
Little one, whatever troubles you, whatever depresses you, whatever you fear - cast it on Him. You serve a God that is bigger than the galaxies, who was able to be born a child, die a man and rise again. Never ever fear the darkness - the darkness cannot and will not overtake the light that is in you. Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.
Hallelujah to a great God. A God who decided to manifest Himself physically so that we might know Who created us, so that we might have access to Him, so that we might have victory through Him. The Word is Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ is the manifestation of God in physical form. The Holy Spirit is that same form, only in the spiritual sense. When we accept Jesus into our hearts, we accept the light of Word. That light becomes our life and our life raises us from the dead just as it raised Christ from the dead.
The galaxies are so huge we can't measure them, nor can we see beyond them into space. We can't comprehend anything because we aren't the Creator but when we invite the Word (Jesus) into our life, we can know all things because He knows all things. This perfect love casts out fear. This Word gives us the mind of Christ.
Little one, whatever troubles you, whatever depresses you, whatever you fear - cast it on Him. You serve a God that is bigger than the galaxies, who was able to be born a child, die a man and rise again. Never ever fear the darkness - the darkness cannot and will not overtake the light that is in you. Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.
Finding Solace
I'll never forget that Sunday before she left me. I don't remember what the weather was like. I think it was sunny but my heart was clouded by the sensation of fear. My mother had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and my life as I knew it was soon to be forever changed. The idea of losing her was my gravest fear and fear was staring at me. I cried vehement tears and whispered in her doorway that I could never go on without her.
Without taking a moment to think she said, "Whatever happens I know you'll be OK. And remember I love you very much." She's gone now and on the darkest of days I say to myself "You are someone's daughter and you were very loved." But here's an even greater knowledge...
"...the love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts..."
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing"
When you face mourning or something that shackles you with fear bring it to the Lord and ask for His love. You'll find a solace there.
Without taking a moment to think she said, "Whatever happens I know you'll be OK. And remember I love you very much." She's gone now and on the darkest of days I say to myself "You are someone's daughter and you were very loved." But here's an even greater knowledge...
"...the love of God has been shed abroad in our hearts..."
"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing"
When you face mourning or something that shackles you with fear bring it to the Lord and ask for His love. You'll find a solace there.
The End of Christmas Eve - 2010
It's Christmas morning, technically. As I sat amongst my family members this evening I was blessed with knowing that we were all together but somewhat taken aback by how much has changed. Our family has shrunk and it was obvious to me that a very important person was missing. My mother was missing. I drove over by myself and watched my father kiss his girlfriend and gaze fondly at her throughout the night. I found myself yearning to hold someone's hand or rest my head on someone's shoulder. There wasn't anyone at that moment. In the loneliness of watching a world of couples it's tempting to get depressed. Lord, tonight as I lay my head to sleep, I pray for my husband - my future man. I pray he's out there looking for me, that he's lonely and waiting for someone just like me. I hope he'll know he's found a good thing when he meets me. Perhaps tonight we're both spending Christmas eve alone and feeling a bit undone. Perhaps he's up praying and feels a bit of my tears. Lord, increase my faith as I wait for you and what you have for me. Help me to be obedient to your call. Thank you for your grace. In this moment of feeling a bit undone, a little shaky about the future, please be my comfort. I've lost my mama and tonight I feel the pain stabbing just a bit further into my heart than usual. I feel a little more undone than usual. You are my comfort and my solace.
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
I will never leave you nor forsake you.
No good thing will he withhold...
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
I will never leave you nor forsake you.
No good thing will he withhold...
Friday, December 24, 2010
Does a good Christian Girl Go To A Singles Dance
So last weekend I met an adorable guy, yep another attorney, sigh and we spoke for several hours. I think I looked fabulous, I asked him about himself, made sure to appropriately touch him to show interest etc. He bought me a drink, walked me to my car and right there, kissed me. I was stunned. He never asked for my number which was odd. Now I see he's going to another dance, a dance I'd like to go to. Plus, my other crush is going. The question is, does a nice Christian girl go to a singles dance? It's not a singles dance by the way, it's just a dance. Also, does my friend at work that I flirt with want to be more than friends? We can't date, we're not allowed to. What does a girl do? This is all so confusing.
Is it 2011 yet?
So it's 4:12 p.m. on Christmas eve and a lot has happened as 2010 swerves into 2011. For 1 thing, I'm absolutely boy crazy. I was never boy crazy and now I'm obsessed. So as I near 2011, I've come up with some lists. Thank you blue eyed attorney boy for introducing me to them. I've also shredded some other lists such as: what I'm looking for in a husband (like perfect exists and you marry what you want?), having a fabulous career (I've established the fact that careers flow up and down) and moving out (I wouldn't be able to afford the fabulous leopard stilettos I just purchased).
Anyways, I have to be blunt. As I swing into 2011, I'm a bit lonely for love but not lonely for friends. I'm grateful to God for my family rebuilding itself, my job that pays the bills and my killer body that took some crushing amounts of treadmill time to achieve.I'm lonely for love. I miss being touched, kissing someone, and trying to figure out whether to order chinese or mexican on Friday night.
I hate to repeat this again but jeez, I'm boy crazy and I've NEVER been that in my life, not even in college, not after college, not even at 28. How can a 29 year old girl be so boy crazy and clueless about boys? Also, why is it that every man lately just grabs me and kisses me out of nowhere? Why did that guy kiss me last week but not ask for my number? What's that all about? I've much to figure out in 2011 but I must say, 2010 was a blast!
Anyways, I have to be blunt. As I swing into 2011, I'm a bit lonely for love but not lonely for friends. I'm grateful to God for my family rebuilding itself, my job that pays the bills and my killer body that took some crushing amounts of treadmill time to achieve.I'm lonely for love. I miss being touched, kissing someone, and trying to figure out whether to order chinese or mexican on Friday night.
I hate to repeat this again but jeez, I'm boy crazy and I've NEVER been that in my life, not even in college, not after college, not even at 28. How can a 29 year old girl be so boy crazy and clueless about boys? Also, why is it that every man lately just grabs me and kisses me out of nowhere? Why did that guy kiss me last week but not ask for my number? What's that all about? I've much to figure out in 2011 but I must say, 2010 was a blast!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
From Lonely to perfect peace...heavenly peace
I'm not sure when it all changed but just as a caterpillar spins silk around herself and emerges a while later a butterfly, somewhere between the spring and this early winter, the girl that was spooled in silk emerged a woman. She emerged not just any woman but one who counts her blessings on more than just 10 fingers and thanks God for all she's been given. I've learned that life and everything in it is a God given gift and we can always rejoice in the Lord.
I desired an interesting life and God has granted me it. As I sat last night at Boulevard Bistro in Westfield, encapsulated with 8 newly made friends, I couldn't help but smile inwardly at my great fortune. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Love is a great gift and it comes in many packages. This Christmas my dance card has been filled with family (my biological one), friends (that have always been like family) & most importantly my faith in my heavenly father.
My new year's resolution this year is a simple one...to the love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul & strength. I trust the rest to His ever capable hands. My times are in His hands.
I desired an interesting life and God has granted me it. As I sat last night at Boulevard Bistro in Westfield, encapsulated with 8 newly made friends, I couldn't help but smile inwardly at my great fortune. Every good and perfect gift is from above. Love is a great gift and it comes in many packages. This Christmas my dance card has been filled with family (my biological one), friends (that have always been like family) & most importantly my faith in my heavenly father.
My new year's resolution this year is a simple one...to the love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul & strength. I trust the rest to His ever capable hands. My times are in His hands.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
A Few Of My Favorite Reads
Throughout the year I troll all over to find the best books, blogs, jewelry designers and magazines. Here's who made my cut for 2010...
DATING
How To Get A Date Worth Keeping
By, Henry Cloud
Great book for anyone needing a push to expand their dating vision. If you're a bit emotionally closed, try Cloud's techniques. Taking some calculated risks will give huge payoffs.
Mars & Venus On A Date
By, John Gray
A dating classic that helps one navigate through the pitfalls of going from dating to relating.
Be Your Own Matchmaker
By, Patti Stranger
Patti gives real advice with a modern edge. This is particularly good for those who need a physical appearance reality check.
The Flirting Bible
By, Fran Greene
Honestly, this book is more about being a real person and learning how to socialize properly than it is about flirting. It'll help transform you into someone able to "work" the room.
BLOGS/ONLINE RESOURCES
Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist
Definitely trail blazing, honest and irreverent but with a realistic twist. Her take? Happiness is about more than having a great career.
Evan Mark Katz
A guy's guide to dating men. Solid and brutally honest in his approach.
Peter Bregman for Harvard Business Review
A soft, leadership guide with a touchy feely spin on management. A little "new agey" in spots but useful if you lead with the heart. Leading with the heart is currently trendy in management.
John Maxwell on Leadership
A solid Christian perspective. His books are a must read.
Harvard Business Review
Thought provoking and interesting each month. Read the comments to the online articles. They're almost as good as the post.
Real Simple Magazine
Need to get organized? Start here.
BEAUTY
Making Faces & Face Forward
By, Kevin Aucoin
This is a treasure trove for anyone looking to learn the "art" behind make-up. Fascinating. Kevin Aucoin was a cosmetic genius. His books will prove it over and over again.
In Style Magazine
Trendy fashion advice but with a thread of classic.
Robyn Rhodes (Jewelry)
This California jewelry designer has an abundance of celebrities wearing her wares. Love.Love.Love everything she has. This is modern, carefree jewelry at its best.
Geo Art by Cynthia Gale (Sterling Silver Heirloom Jewelry)
Heirloom quality jewelry inspired by antique pieces & design. NYC native.
DATING
How To Get A Date Worth Keeping
By, Henry Cloud
Great book for anyone needing a push to expand their dating vision. If you're a bit emotionally closed, try Cloud's techniques. Taking some calculated risks will give huge payoffs.
Mars & Venus On A Date
By, John Gray
A dating classic that helps one navigate through the pitfalls of going from dating to relating.
Be Your Own Matchmaker
By, Patti Stranger
Patti gives real advice with a modern edge. This is particularly good for those who need a physical appearance reality check.
The Flirting Bible
By, Fran Greene
Honestly, this book is more about being a real person and learning how to socialize properly than it is about flirting. It'll help transform you into someone able to "work" the room.
BLOGS/ONLINE RESOURCES
Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist
Definitely trail blazing, honest and irreverent but with a realistic twist. Her take? Happiness is about more than having a great career.
Evan Mark Katz
A guy's guide to dating men. Solid and brutally honest in his approach.
Peter Bregman for Harvard Business Review
A soft, leadership guide with a touchy feely spin on management. A little "new agey" in spots but useful if you lead with the heart. Leading with the heart is currently trendy in management.
John Maxwell on Leadership
A solid Christian perspective. His books are a must read.
Harvard Business Review
Thought provoking and interesting each month. Read the comments to the online articles. They're almost as good as the post.
Real Simple Magazine
Need to get organized? Start here.
BEAUTY
Making Faces & Face Forward
By, Kevin Aucoin
This is a treasure trove for anyone looking to learn the "art" behind make-up. Fascinating. Kevin Aucoin was a cosmetic genius. His books will prove it over and over again.
In Style Magazine
Trendy fashion advice but with a thread of classic.
Robyn Rhodes (Jewelry)
This California jewelry designer has an abundance of celebrities wearing her wares. Love.Love.Love everything she has. This is modern, carefree jewelry at its best.
Geo Art by Cynthia Gale (Sterling Silver Heirloom Jewelry)
Heirloom quality jewelry inspired by antique pieces & design. NYC native.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Men Nest Too!...?
I sat across a very Irish looking, 30 something man on Friday night. It was our first date. He was lively and full of physical and sexual energy. I, on the other hand, was full of black Friday sales! The pair of misty grey slim cut cords I was eyeing were on sale for 40% off and only 1 pair remained in my size. I seized them, ran to the register and purchased them before meeting my date for dinner. I was still glowing from my post sale conquest.
During dinner my date made a striking comment that started me thinking. Before the big comment let me give you some background info. He started by explaining he owns his own condo and went on to say the previous owner didn't do much for the place. So my date put up molding and just purchased new doors for the entire condo. He was so excited about the door knobs he had just chosen that he whipped out his device to show me the picture of the nobs! I fained being impressed, as a polite lady should always do on a date. It's not that I wasn't impressed, it's just that the process of home improving for a woman usually means new counter tops, drapes and furnishings. For a man it's molding, doors, door nobs and new paint.
My point isn't about what constitutes home improvement, rather the comment that followed his improvements. He said he hoped to meet a nice girl soon, date her for a year, get married and then move into a house. He was improving for resale value. This struck me because it was the first time I realized men nest too. It seems that both men and women begin nesting as a way of preparing one's heart and making space for someone new.
During dinner my date made a striking comment that started me thinking. Before the big comment let me give you some background info. He started by explaining he owns his own condo and went on to say the previous owner didn't do much for the place. So my date put up molding and just purchased new doors for the entire condo. He was so excited about the door knobs he had just chosen that he whipped out his device to show me the picture of the nobs! I fained being impressed, as a polite lady should always do on a date. It's not that I wasn't impressed, it's just that the process of home improving for a woman usually means new counter tops, drapes and furnishings. For a man it's molding, doors, door nobs and new paint.
My point isn't about what constitutes home improvement, rather the comment that followed his improvements. He said he hoped to meet a nice girl soon, date her for a year, get married and then move into a house. He was improving for resale value. This struck me because it was the first time I realized men nest too. It seems that both men and women begin nesting as a way of preparing one's heart and making space for someone new.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
X Marks The Spot - But Does It Ever Go Away?
Recently I began thinking long and hard about love for an X. Here's the one big question - do we ever stop thinking about an X that we really loved?
I've had several happily married friends with happy little broods of their own confide that they think about an X. They've scanned facebook pages, asked mutual friends for information and some have even reconnected, either in person or via email/phone "just to see how things are going". I'm asked time and again -- "why do I still think about him?" These ladies swear they're happy with the man they have.
That's a tough question to answer. Here's my little theory about love; I remind you, it's just a theory and I only have my personal experience to go on. I think love and the memories we've shared with an X last a lifetime. Our experiences with this other person are etched into our memories and when memories pop up, it's only natural to want to reminisce about them with the person we created them with.
You're probably thinking "That's great but what do I do when I'm married and with children but can't stop thinking about an X?" or "What do I do if the man I was with will never marry me and I've found someone else and I love this guy but I still think of someone else?" If you are married or have the true desire to move on, there are only 3 things to do:
1) Understand that love and memories don't die just because the relationship did.
2) Give the desire and the thoughts over to Christ in prayer.
3) Resist and flee from the temptation to contact this person. This means not looking or engaging in activities that establish any kind of connection (this means facebook, blogs, emailing, calling, talking or thinking about the person).
These thoughts are natural but they do point to a discontentment of the heart. However, this discontent will not be solved by returning to an old flame, it will be solved when we learn to be satisfied with Christ alone.
I've had several happily married friends with happy little broods of their own confide that they think about an X. They've scanned facebook pages, asked mutual friends for information and some have even reconnected, either in person or via email/phone "just to see how things are going". I'm asked time and again -- "why do I still think about him?" These ladies swear they're happy with the man they have.
That's a tough question to answer. Here's my little theory about love; I remind you, it's just a theory and I only have my personal experience to go on. I think love and the memories we've shared with an X last a lifetime. Our experiences with this other person are etched into our memories and when memories pop up, it's only natural to want to reminisce about them with the person we created them with.
You're probably thinking "That's great but what do I do when I'm married and with children but can't stop thinking about an X?" or "What do I do if the man I was with will never marry me and I've found someone else and I love this guy but I still think of someone else?" If you are married or have the true desire to move on, there are only 3 things to do:
1) Understand that love and memories don't die just because the relationship did.
2) Give the desire and the thoughts over to Christ in prayer.
3) Resist and flee from the temptation to contact this person. This means not looking or engaging in activities that establish any kind of connection (this means facebook, blogs, emailing, calling, talking or thinking about the person).
These thoughts are natural but they do point to a discontentment of the heart. However, this discontent will not be solved by returning to an old flame, it will be solved when we learn to be satisfied with Christ alone.
Abundant Life
It seems appropriate to write about an abundant life on the eve of Thanksgiving. It's 10:00 p.m. and I'm filled with gratitude. I'm no longer standing in a dessert waiting for the rain, rather I'm in the dessert living next to a well that never runs dry. This was the first holiday where loneliness wasn't grating against my heart. In times past I would yearn for my mother's hand to be in mine, for her companionship and consolation. Tears haven't been shed over loss instead my heart looks gratefully to the heavens and I thank God for the abundance of what He's given me. I'm still single, working the same job and all my friends are married. Externally nothings changed - except one key thing, my heart.
Through fasting, multiple daily Bible readings and much prayer my sorrow has been transformed. Tears have brought compassion, loneliness; solitude, loss; fulfillment. The Lord has been teaching me the key to contentment is in seeking that which is spiritual. The spiritual can never be touched by the evil in this world. Seeking the spiritual has freed me from being a slave to my desires. I never thought that the cutting away of my desires would lead to freedom. This freedom has given me the abundant life I've dreamt for. I hope you ensue godliness with all you have. You will never be disappointed with Christ. never.never.never.
Through fasting, multiple daily Bible readings and much prayer my sorrow has been transformed. Tears have brought compassion, loneliness; solitude, loss; fulfillment. The Lord has been teaching me the key to contentment is in seeking that which is spiritual. The spiritual can never be touched by the evil in this world. Seeking the spiritual has freed me from being a slave to my desires. I never thought that the cutting away of my desires would lead to freedom. This freedom has given me the abundant life I've dreamt for. I hope you ensue godliness with all you have. You will never be disappointed with Christ. never.never.never.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Debunking a myth -- marriage & a baby changes a friendship
I started off the morning with a little bit of dread and a lot of self pity. While I've embraced my single status, a bit of envy always creeps in when I'm heading to meet a married friend. That's what I did this morning. I ventured off into the jungle of New York to meet up with an old friend who had a baby a few months back. I worried I wouldn't be enthusiastic about the baby and that she'd speak of nothing but her precious little one. Having a precious little one seems so far away from where I am. I've feared greatly that life would change once my friends were married and I'd be left in a heap of ashes, alone and terribly bored.
Nothing could be further from the truth. As we headed through the streets of NY, I munched on Waldorf salad at abc kitchen and then had dinner at a pub in Gramercy with her. I thought the birth of her child would create a great divide, that life would be different and that we'd be planets rotating around the same sun but light years apart.
As I walked towards the train and headed back to the burbs of Jerz, I realized something. On the surface our lives appear to be different. She's married with a child and I'm single with a career but in the end we're both looking for the same thing: to be happy with what we have and to let go of what we don't have.
Nothing could be further from the truth. As we headed through the streets of NY, I munched on Waldorf salad at abc kitchen and then had dinner at a pub in Gramercy with her. I thought the birth of her child would create a great divide, that life would be different and that we'd be planets rotating around the same sun but light years apart.
As I walked towards the train and headed back to the burbs of Jerz, I realized something. On the surface our lives appear to be different. She's married with a child and I'm single with a career but in the end we're both looking for the same thing: to be happy with what we have and to let go of what we don't have.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Relating to Conflict
On Tuesday I went to a book signing and conversation with the authors of a recently published book, Your So Called Life, and was relieved to learn many women are facing the same challenges I'm facing as a nearly 30 year old woman. One particular challenge has been enlightening. As I round the 30 year mile marker, I've learned how to respond better to relational conflict. I'm learning that as I grow older I'm becoming more established in my viewpoints. These viewpoints have caused a clash between friends, family and work. I'm learning to accept that conflicts are inevitable in all relationships. Here's a little cheat sheet I do now to guide me through the clashing storms of conflict. It goes like this...
IT STARTED WITH ME
- Lord examine and reveal my heart.
Did I contribute to the situation?
Am I jealous about something?
Why do I feel the way I feel?
Ultimately is it me?
- Sometimes I don't know exactly why I feel the way I do but You do. Help me understand myself.
SOMETHING TRIGGERED IT
- Lord, help me to be patient with this person. Let me not presume I know the heart of another because only you do. Help me gain understanding by seeking Your knowledge.
- What was the context of the conflict?
Where did it occur?
Why did it occur?
What did I say or do?
Could I have said or done something differently?
HOW DO I RESPOND?
- Is this something I should respond to? Is it the right season to respond? Lord, help me know the appropriate time in approaching this.
How well do I know this person?
How well do I know their character?
Is this typical for them?
- Do I know enough about the "clash" or do I need further information? More information is usually best. Help me listen to the other person and not feel the need to defend myself. You are my defense.
- How do I respond to this? Remind me that I must not start or continue an argument. Help me humbly address the situation if that is what's needed.
The theme is consistent. Conflict starts and ends with me. With Christ's help I must ascertain what direction to take the conflict in. God will give discernment and wisdom as to pursuing or not pursuing the issue as well as the strength to forgive.
IT STARTED WITH ME
- Lord examine and reveal my heart.
Did I contribute to the situation?
Am I jealous about something?
Why do I feel the way I feel?
Ultimately is it me?
- Sometimes I don't know exactly why I feel the way I do but You do. Help me understand myself.
SOMETHING TRIGGERED IT
- Lord, help me to be patient with this person. Let me not presume I know the heart of another because only you do. Help me gain understanding by seeking Your knowledge.
- What was the context of the conflict?
Where did it occur?
Why did it occur?
What did I say or do?
Could I have said or done something differently?
HOW DO I RESPOND?
- Is this something I should respond to? Is it the right season to respond? Lord, help me know the appropriate time in approaching this.
How well do I know this person?
How well do I know their character?
Is this typical for them?
- Do I know enough about the "clash" or do I need further information? More information is usually best. Help me listen to the other person and not feel the need to defend myself. You are my defense.
- How do I respond to this? Remind me that I must not start or continue an argument. Help me humbly address the situation if that is what's needed.
The theme is consistent. Conflict starts and ends with me. With Christ's help I must ascertain what direction to take the conflict in. God will give discernment and wisdom as to pursuing or not pursuing the issue as well as the strength to forgive.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
The Girl Date
When I threw out my dating books last month, I also threw out the extreme desire to date. Dating is too exhausting.
Instead, I embraced the idea of making new male and female friends to endure the seemingly endless dating path of singledom that I'm on. I started a dining out group called "Foodventure", began traveling solo and now write about everything. In the process I've collided with lots of people. Here's the funny part, a new phenomenon has emerged in my singledom - the girl date. Before you get any ideas about me having changed teams etc. let me explain. I've found myself recently pursuing and being pursued by other women in search of new gal pals. Essentially this is ocurruing because all their existing pals are otherwise preoccupied with their marriages and children. So while at various social events, we'll meet another interesting girl and then we're forced to either ask for her number, locate her email address or hope to run into her again. In the last couple months, I've found myself sitting across from a few different women having either coffee, brunch or dinner. We've made the typical date conversation such as: "where do you live?" or "what do you do for a living?" and then as the moments materialize we begin wondering if we're meant to be friends. I can't tell you how many times after these "dates" I'm left wondering if I talked too much (I usually always do) or wondering if I asked enough questions about the other person. As the time comes to a close, I drive home wondering when it's appropriate to contact her again and if she wants to be my friend. It's absolutely hilarious because this same introspection occurs in dating, job searching and networking.
This new type of date, the kind where we're auditioning to be friends has quite intrigued me. It's intrigued me because I'm learning that every potential relationship begins with chemistry, then progresses to an audition and eventually leads to both parties exploring the level of connection. Like I stated earlier, this occurs not only in romantic dating but also on job interviews, when meeting new friends and networking. I thought understanding this concept would take the bite out of dating but instead it's revealed a fascinating something. That something is that every relationship develops in the same manner and each new contact holds the promise of something or nothing.
Instead, I embraced the idea of making new male and female friends to endure the seemingly endless dating path of singledom that I'm on. I started a dining out group called "Foodventure", began traveling solo and now write about everything. In the process I've collided with lots of people. Here's the funny part, a new phenomenon has emerged in my singledom - the girl date. Before you get any ideas about me having changed teams etc. let me explain. I've found myself recently pursuing and being pursued by other women in search of new gal pals. Essentially this is ocurruing because all their existing pals are otherwise preoccupied with their marriages and children. So while at various social events, we'll meet another interesting girl and then we're forced to either ask for her number, locate her email address or hope to run into her again. In the last couple months, I've found myself sitting across from a few different women having either coffee, brunch or dinner. We've made the typical date conversation such as: "where do you live?" or "what do you do for a living?" and then as the moments materialize we begin wondering if we're meant to be friends. I can't tell you how many times after these "dates" I'm left wondering if I talked too much (I usually always do) or wondering if I asked enough questions about the other person. As the time comes to a close, I drive home wondering when it's appropriate to contact her again and if she wants to be my friend. It's absolutely hilarious because this same introspection occurs in dating, job searching and networking.
This new type of date, the kind where we're auditioning to be friends has quite intrigued me. It's intrigued me because I'm learning that every potential relationship begins with chemistry, then progresses to an audition and eventually leads to both parties exploring the level of connection. Like I stated earlier, this occurs not only in romantic dating but also on job interviews, when meeting new friends and networking. I thought understanding this concept would take the bite out of dating but instead it's revealed a fascinating something. That something is that every relationship develops in the same manner and each new contact holds the promise of something or nothing.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Is it Talent or Just Hard Work?
It's long been accepted that Mozart was a musical prodigy. What most don't discuss is how he became one. Mozart began learning music when he 4 years old by his father. His father was not only a famous music teacher but was also a skilled composer who wrote one of the first books of violin instruction.
In 1985 Benjamin Bloom's research, explained in Developing Talent in Young People, corroborates that Mozart wasn't unusually gifted. Bloom's research revealed a direct scientific correlation between a young person's intense practice, coaching, and unwavering support of parents. These three facets comprise the making of an expert. What exactly is an expert?
An expert is:
1) Someone whose performance is consistently superior to that of his peers
2) Results are concrete
3) Results are able to be replicated and measured in a scientific way
It takes approximately 10,000 hours or 10 years to become an expert in something. 2 key facets comprise the making of an expert: (1) deliberate practice and (2) relentless coaching by an expert.
(1) Deliberate Practice
Definition: Considerable, specific and sustained efforts to do something you can't do well or at all.
The point being that you must not only identify your strengths and improve them but you must also pinpoint your weaknesses and work repeatedly through them by concentrated practice. This type of practice requires concentrating and focusing on the goal and should be limited to 2-3 hours a day.
Professor Auer, Nathan Milstein's (famous violinist), instructor said of practice "It really doesn't matter how long. If you practice with your fingers, no amount is enough. If you practice with your head, 2 hours is plenty."
This type of real time practice should be supplemented with simulated exercises which are a solid learning method. Examples of simulation would include: (1) running the marathon course as part of training & (2) case studies. Knowing the terrain, expected outcome etc. trains the mind and body about what to expect.
(2) Deliberate Coaching
Deliberate coaching should be done by an expert who isn't afraid to deliver hurtful yet meaningful feedback. A skilled coach knows when to push his student because his student is ready for the next level. Yet coaching (on the job training) isn't the only mechanism for improving performance.
Benjamin Franklin was his own coach. He performed simulated exercises when desiring to become a better writer. He'd read favorite articles of Spectator and then copy the article from memory in his own words. He'd then compare his writing to the admired writer.
Understanding that experts aren't born but are made is a liberating thought. It means that it isn't luck but the right kind of hard work that creates talent and success. When applied properly, it means you can achieve a lot more dreams than you thought!
Further Reading:
The Making of An Expert
Monday, October 25, 2010
Expect What You Want
I had a follow-up discussion with my boss and her boss about the possibility of a title change. I felt the title change was warranted due to my increase in responsibility over the past several years. Today I received the disheartening news that I'm not going to know if I'm getting a title change until after my 2010 End-Cycle Performance Evaluation which will occur in December after the focal concludes.
The discussion left a distaste in my mouth. It seems that where I work isn't concerned about the rise in my responsibilities. I'm expected to continue working and take on more work without the compensation or change in title. So, it is without adieu that I begin my job search again. I've learned a few things:
1. Nothing's permanent.
2. A good thing can come to an end.
3. When you know what you want take action to get it.
4. If you aren't feeling appreciated, find someone who is appreciative.
5. Never settle for less than what you deserve.
6. Time is money so begin making more as soon as you feel you're able.
7. Don't let one set back prevent you from pursuing your future.
So a chapter is coming to a close. I'm glad I took action. I'm not longer going to waste time hoping people will do what I ask. I'm going to expect what I ask for and move on when I don't get it.
The discussion left a distaste in my mouth. It seems that where I work isn't concerned about the rise in my responsibilities. I'm expected to continue working and take on more work without the compensation or change in title. So, it is without adieu that I begin my job search again. I've learned a few things:
1. Nothing's permanent.
2. A good thing can come to an end.
3. When you know what you want take action to get it.
4. If you aren't feeling appreciated, find someone who is appreciative.
5. Never settle for less than what you deserve.
6. Time is money so begin making more as soon as you feel you're able.
7. Don't let one set back prevent you from pursuing your future.
So a chapter is coming to a close. I'm glad I took action. I'm not longer going to waste time hoping people will do what I ask. I'm going to expect what I ask for and move on when I don't get it.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
What to Fast About
I was recently told an encouraging story about a woman who fasted for a year, not straight through of course but intermittentanly, in order to find a husband. It was a touching story and I figured if I wanted something so badly a little hunger and pleading with the Lord would surely help. I researched the reasons, how to fast and set aside several Saturdays to the task. I was strengthened spiritually and was immediately answered on many of my spiritual musings.
The interesting part was that the closer and closer I came to the Lord's heart, the more and more I realized I shouldn't be fasting for a husband. It's not that a husband is a terrible thing to pray for but it isn't a necessary thing to pray for. Whether I pray for a husband or not, it's a gift from God that He'll surely give in His perfect timing. What I need to fast and pray for is the strength to endure the pain of wanting that man and that child and seeing most of my friends having received both. I need the Lord to grant me the strength to hold onto to my faith when the answer doesn't immediately come. It's not that He hasn't answered because He has answered. It's that the answer hasn't materialized. God is a God of great surprises. His gifts far exceed the keenest of imaginations. He mysteriously takes horrendous circumstances and turns them into something fabulous. He is always glorified. The wait is worth the delightful surprise that the answer brings.
Here are some Biblical examples:
1. Daniel fasted and prayed for 10 days before an angel came. Imagine being so heartbroken you deny yourself food in the hopes God will hear you. It takes Him 10 days to get to you. There's no consolation. But the beauty is in the angel's message. Daniel is told the Lord heard his prayer and sent a messenger immediately but there was a terrible battle in heaven and the angel couldn't deliver the message. Today we have the Holy Spirit so while the answer may not materialize, God's comfort is ever with us.
2. Joseph saw a vision as a teenager that he would be a great man. He was then sold by his own brothers into slavery, then was falsely accused by his master's wife, thrown into prison and finally transported to Egypt. Yet in the end, Joseph's vision was correct. He did become the provision for his family.
Through all these examples the truth is plain to see. We're required to patiently wait for God's answers to materialize. Whether they materialize or they don't, we are still to labor for His kingdom. We must keep our eyes fixed on the heavenly kingdom, work hard here on earth for His glory and leave everything else to our loving Father. We know He loves us because He gave His life for us. He has nothing else He needs to give and yet He continues to give. We're on earth to worship a very powerful and loving God. With every breath we take we need to thank Him for all that He's done. The sun continues to rise, the moon continues to rise, the earth always rotates and so on. It's all in His care. Our hearts are a very small thing for Him to mind and He loves us so much that He takes the time to number our hairs, to think many thoughts about us and to even build us mansions in heaven. Praise God!
The interesting part was that the closer and closer I came to the Lord's heart, the more and more I realized I shouldn't be fasting for a husband. It's not that a husband is a terrible thing to pray for but it isn't a necessary thing to pray for. Whether I pray for a husband or not, it's a gift from God that He'll surely give in His perfect timing. What I need to fast and pray for is the strength to endure the pain of wanting that man and that child and seeing most of my friends having received both. I need the Lord to grant me the strength to hold onto to my faith when the answer doesn't immediately come. It's not that He hasn't answered because He has answered. It's that the answer hasn't materialized. God is a God of great surprises. His gifts far exceed the keenest of imaginations. He mysteriously takes horrendous circumstances and turns them into something fabulous. He is always glorified. The wait is worth the delightful surprise that the answer brings.
Here are some Biblical examples:
1. Daniel fasted and prayed for 10 days before an angel came. Imagine being so heartbroken you deny yourself food in the hopes God will hear you. It takes Him 10 days to get to you. There's no consolation. But the beauty is in the angel's message. Daniel is told the Lord heard his prayer and sent a messenger immediately but there was a terrible battle in heaven and the angel couldn't deliver the message. Today we have the Holy Spirit so while the answer may not materialize, God's comfort is ever with us.
2. Joseph saw a vision as a teenager that he would be a great man. He was then sold by his own brothers into slavery, then was falsely accused by his master's wife, thrown into prison and finally transported to Egypt. Yet in the end, Joseph's vision was correct. He did become the provision for his family.
Through all these examples the truth is plain to see. We're required to patiently wait for God's answers to materialize. Whether they materialize or they don't, we are still to labor for His kingdom. We must keep our eyes fixed on the heavenly kingdom, work hard here on earth for His glory and leave everything else to our loving Father. We know He loves us because He gave His life for us. He has nothing else He needs to give and yet He continues to give. We're on earth to worship a very powerful and loving God. With every breath we take we need to thank Him for all that He's done. The sun continues to rise, the moon continues to rise, the earth always rotates and so on. It's all in His care. Our hearts are a very small thing for Him to mind and He loves us so much that He takes the time to number our hairs, to think many thoughts about us and to even build us mansions in heaven. Praise God!
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