On Feeling Overwhelmed

The last few weeks were extremely overwhelming for me. While I was preparing for the arrival of our incoming fall class, I was also preparing to discuss my future career path with my company. That coupled with the the feelings of loneliness was nearly causing my heart to collapse within my chest - if there is such a thing!

I came to Psalm 61 and was touched. Here's what I've learned about feeling overwhelmed:

• There are times your heart is overwhelmed and you don't know why. Take it to Jesus in prayer. Give him your overwhelmed heart and trust Him with it.
• Sometimes the relief of an overwhelmed heart is simply waiting on God. The feelings you have may not subside within hours or minutes of prayer. Take it to Jesus and take it to Him daily and keep waiting.
• Do not act or react until God calms your heart. It may take longer than you think!

 ¹ Hear my cry, O God;
         Attend to my prayer.
 ² From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
         When my heart is overwhelmed;
         Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
        
 ³ For You have been a shelter for me,
         A strong tower from the enemy.
 ⁴ I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
         I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  Selah 
        
 ⁵ For You, O God, have heard my vows;
         You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
 ⁶ You will prolong the king’s life,
         His years as many generations.
 ⁷ He shall abide before God forever.
         Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him!
        
 ⁸ So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
         That I may daily perform my vows. (Psalm 61, New King James Version)

Inspirational Words by Elisabeth Elliot - taken from Back to The Bible

It Is Hard to Enter by Elisabeth Elliot:
"The kingdom of god stands over against all other kingdoms--that is, against all other authorities, sources of power, objects of trust. It is hard to enter the kingdom of God--not because an angel is set to keep us out, not because God would surround Himself with a highly selected elite, but because the condition for admittance is renunciation of all other kingdoms. ...

Every day we are asked which kingdom we choose. Is it, in the last analysis, "thine" or "mine" which I most desire? What is it that my most earnest prayers are directed toward? "

Seed and Yeast by Elisabeth Elliot:
"Our prayers for change--in people, in situations--are summed up in the old petition, "Thy kingdom come"--but when we ask for that we are asking for what may seem an excruciatingly drawn-out business.

We will need the patience of the farmer and the baker who, having done the one thing needful, then quietly (and with calm faith) wait for the thing to happen."

Help Thy Servants by Elisabeth Elliot:
"Many of our prayers are for a quick and easy solution. God is more glorified in his people when they exhibit his grace under pressure. ...

We, too, may bring any difficult situation to our heavenly Father, laying it before his eyes, and asking not for instant escape but for "enablement"--for strength to sustain the burden and do what we ought to do without the fear of man."

The Face of an Angel

The clouds sprinkled droplets of water onto his canvas coat as he walked to the car, Bible under one arm and chin tucked a bit into the collar of his coat. It was the third church service he had visited in the small New Jersey town he had just relocated to. The heavens darkened suddenly as thundered rolled above him. Great, now I'm going to get stuck driving in a storm on the way home. He turned on the ignition and headed away from the tall white church he had just exited from. As he drove the rain pelted his windshield. He could barely see the road. Ahead was a small diner on the corner of an intersection. He pulled in. Eh, I have breakfast fixings at home but perhaps I'll just stop, eat and wait for the rain to slow. He reached behind his seat and began fishing for his umbrella. It wasn't in the back seat. Great! I guess I left that at home. This isn't my day for certain. At that point he wished he had slept in, instead of having bothered with the dull church service he had just attended.

The diner was bustling with waitresses busy with taking and delivering orders. Bus boys bustled around waitresses and dodged around patrons as they hurriedly removed empty plates. Laughter and conversation confronted him, along with the aroma of all things breakfast related: sausage, pancakes and brewed coffee.

A stout woman stood to the side of the main counter holding a lone cash register. Her eyes were a kindly blue. She smiled, "How many?" she asked in a thick accent.

His eyes widened as he drew his head back. "Uh, just a seat at the counter will do." he said brusquely.

She smiled and grabbed one menu. Her hair was cut short and was shellacked to her head with what appeared to be about 5 coats of hairspray. She led him to the counter. Several old men were disbursed at the counter. One was chatting happily with a pregnant waitress.

"I apologize if I was rude just now. I'm not exactly comfortable dining alone." he explained as he settled on the red cushioned stool.

"That is quite alright. I understand" she said as she patted in shoulder in departing.

He munched on his egg sandwich and watched CNN for what felt like an hour. He was growing bored with eating and turned his head to look towards the window to see if the rain had stopped. There she was, a golden smiling mirage. From the counter he couldn't make out the color of her eyes. She breezily stepped towards the stout woman manning the cash register. The hostess seemed to know her for she grabbed a menu and led her to a small booth in the center of the diner. The golden girl slid into the booth and put small shopping bag next to her. She seemed ecstatic to be there. Without even thinking he spun around and the stool and starting watching her.

She was a vision. Her skin was porcelain white and flawless. It glimmered like fine bone china when held towards the light. Her hair fell like strands of silk colored by golden rods. Hers was the face of an angel. He almost wondered if she was an angel. He had never seen a woman so unearthly in his life. She didn't look up from her menu and he wished she had. He wondered what the color of her eyes were. After she ordered she pulled out a small leather bound black book and began reading.

Oh! I think that's a Bible!

"Do you want more coffee sir?" the waitress behind the counter asked. He spun around in the stool, embarrassed, and looked at her.

"Uh, no...thank you." he said without hesitation. She started to walk away.

"Excuse me."

"Yes?" she asked kindly.

"Who is the golden haired girl over there?" he said as he pointed to the angel seated alone.

The waitress craned her neck and peered at where he was pointing.

"Ah, I don't know her name but she comes in nearly every Sunday." She looked at him with a broad smile. "Sorry." She said and waited.

"Thanks. I'll take the check when you have if ready."

He quickly paid and started toward the door. As he exited the restaurant he couldn't help but look back at her. At that moment she looked up with a far away expression and met his glance. She smiled at him before returning to her reading.

He walked outside to a drizzle. I should say hello. What do I have to lose? It's not like I ever dine alone or will likely come here again. He turned mid stride on his heel and headed back inside.

"Did you forget something?" the hostess asked in a thick accent.

"I did actually" he said with a smile. She tilted her chin and waited.

"I want to say hello to that girl seated in front of you. She has the face of an angel" he said breathing harder.

The hostess smiled warmly. "Indeed she is. She comes every Sunday, reads her Bible and...tips well" she added with little hesitation. "Say hello to her! She never comes with a man." she emphasized "with a man" and winked.

With the hostesses encouragement he briskly walked to her table. She looked up with deep grey, blue eyes that reflected the color of her soul almost as the ocean reflects the color of the sky. She tilted her face to one side and gazed at him. She didn't smile but the corners of her rosy lips rose at the corners.

His voice caught in throat. What am I doing?

"Hi, I saw you while seated at the counter...was that a Bible you were reading earlier?" he asked as softly as he could. His voice had a tendency to boom. Women had told him his mannerisms where overbearing. He thought of that as he spoke to her.

She smiled awkwardly. "Why yes it was. I'm surprised you could see that from all the way over there" She turned her head and looked at the counter while she responded.

A waiter dodged around him as he stood awkwardly in front of her.

"Did you just come from church?" he asked.

"Oh no, I have service in the afternoon actually. I like to head to breakfast in the morning beforehand to center myself" she said with an easy smile. She sat back in her chair and confidently made eye contact.

"Ooh, where do you go?" he asked with eagerness.

"It's a very small church about a 1/2 hour from here." she said guardedly.

"Oh." he said with disappointment. He could tell she wasn't up for visitors at her church. He wanted to leave. She was friendly but cool and reserved. He didn't like reserved women.

"Did you just come from church?" she asked.

"Well yes...I'm new in town. So far I haven't found anything I like yet but I'm trying." he said this somewhat louder.

She raised her eyes brows and widened her eyes. He wasn't sure if she reacting to the thunder in his voice or what he said.

She gestured to the seat across her. "Would you care to sit down?" she asked easily.

"Thank you." he said and sat across from her. He had absolutely never seen such a celestial looking woman in his life. She embodied purity. He wanted to know more of how a woman could even look like that.

The Calling - Part 1 - Called to Loneliness

We must focus on what God has for us today. Patience is a life learned lesson and with each trial we learn how to wait. Waiting and patience require the person to submit to God, to trust Him for the provision and to abandon all of one's heart to the Maker of all things. It isn't an easy lesson to learn but it's a lesson that brings the greatest source of peace.

Last night I sat on my bed and cried. It was an emotional week but all went so well that I wondered why the tears? Tears can sometimes come from places other than sadness; they can come from fatigue, frustration or even from lacking the ability to speak to our Master. Last night I felt the Holy Spirit asking me to abandon my search for a husband and instead to fix my search on Christ. This of course means me removing myself from the online dating world and enduring inevitable spurts of extreme loneliness for an undetermined amount of time.

Yet I felt Him wooing me and telling me that my husband is alive and praying for me. That he has also put his request before Christ and it's now up for Jesus to bring us together. Having a Christian husband would be more than my heart's desire. Yet I felt so strongly that this man is living, that God will put us together and knit our hearts in Jesus love. Relationships and intimacy can't exist without Christ in the midst of them. Something will be missing. I want what I had with my mother. I'm not saying I want my mother but I'm saying that I want the union we had. It was intimate, completely selfless on both sides, allowed for vulnerability on both parties, mutually encouraging, inspiring and pure. It was meant to be. I was born to my mother and she was given to me by God. I want that relationship again only this time in romance. I don't mean I'm looking for my mother all over again but rather the type of relationship that's a gift from heaven. It must be given from Christ himself.

Lord, I trust you to give me this. You know I'm alone in this world and have little fellowship with those around me. I know you've always considered my heart, my frame and my needs. I give this to you. Help me to trust you. Help me not to despair. Help me to know you through this time. Your will be done. I'd like to say I hope you have my will in mind but crazy as I sound, I believe you've led me to where I am. That will lead me to this man and that we'll both know when we meet. I believe I'm asking in Your will. Just help me with the doubts, the fear and the longing.

Negotiating Need In Relationships

I just finished typing up my request for a reexamination of my position and salary. As I crafted, typed and bulleted my 2 page compilation of my work life, I couldn't help but wonder if I'm making the right decision. Will the firm think that I'm not happy in my job when I am? Will they think I'm not happy with my job responsibilities? I am and appreciate all that they've done for my almost nonexistent career up until this point.

As I lay on my bed kneading my aching shoulders I also couldn't help but wonder: Am I being taught a fundamental principle of healthy relationships - that of asking and expecting to get what we need of others?

Am I making the right decision to ask? I hope so. I know my heart is in the right place. I sincerely want to advance in my career and feel I have and want to be compensated accordingly. We shall see what God deems the outcome to be. It's in His hands now.

Don't you generally think men just have it better than women?

Well, I dunno about having it better. I think that depends upon perspective. I don't think men have any more options than women do when it comes to dating. I've turned down so many men who want to date me. I'm sure they were disappointed. They also do make sacrifices. My father worked very long hours throughout my childhood so I could get an education and my mother could stay at home. He paid a heavy price for that - he missed out on my childhood. He's not happy about that but it he did it for my good. I appreciate not having loans!

I have a friend who turned down a job with the air force b/c he hopes to get married and have children and feels he can't be a good father if he travels constantly. That decision nearly broke his heart, flying fighter jets was his life dream. My mother's friend spent 4 years nursing his sick wife until she died. He still is so heart broken he can't remarry. So in essence, perhaps men don't pore over relationship books but do we really need them? I mean, isn't Evan and anyone else just telling us what we could learn ourselves? So many men have told me a fundamental male belief, it goes something like this: I feel like I can get along with almost any woman and I could make it work. I think men say this b/c they recognize their weakness and know they have to change.

Are there jerks? Yep, I've dated them. But knock on any guy's door and they'll tell you the horrible women they've dated too. I think it's a question of meeting the right guy. At some point in time as women we decide what we want and refuse anything else. So we stop responding to the emails that "just don't do it for us", we don't return the text and eventually we only let the good guys in. I'm now sincere with the men I meet. I'm looking for a man who knows he's good. He must earn my heart. But the beauty of a man is he's built to earn things. The more you expect a man to earn it the higher he'll rise to the challenge. This is what I adore about men. Have you heard the song "when a man loves a woman?" That's a fav. of mine. Good guys really do stand out in the pouring rain and she really can't do any wrong. That's just my perspective of course.

When God Writes Your Story

Somewhere sewn to my heart was the desire to live a life with an incredible story. My story started out mundane. There was so little to comment on - or so I thought. I'm in the middle of Chapter 29 of my life and it was today that I realized the amount of incredible people God has put in my path.

At 16 I met Irene, my German neighbor who endured the effects of Nazi Germany and lived to tell about it. It was from her the I learned the the devastating effect war has on both sides. While the acts of Nazi Germany are anything but forgivable, hearing "the other side" was a learning experience. I not only learned about war but also how to bake artisan bread.

At 24 several incredible men came into my life. One chose to leave the priesthood for me while the other chose to face the huge galls of grief that confronted me and continued to pound my heart for the next few years.

I was blessed by God to have my mother so profoundly effect my life in so many ways. Her ingenuity, love, support and endless prayers kept me going. When I was drowning in teenage angst she was the voice of compassion and reason and when I reached adulthood and was clasping desperately to her, she let me cling just long enough before pushing me away.

The Lord is an incredible author of so many incredible stories. I'm happy to give Him the pen to my life. Write on sweet Jesus, write on!

How Do We Get Beyond The Impersonable?

It seems to me that the world has become numb when it comes to interpersonal relationships. How do we go beyond just talking? How do we forge meaningful relationships in a world of cyberspace, texting and email? Are we all just communicating into an whirling abyss where each word swirls around over our heads and evaporates instead of hitting the heart of another?

Thankfully we have a friend who sticks closer than a brother. This friend is woven into our very DNA.  In a truth, only God can find us a mate, or someone to date or a job to take. He sets the solitary in families. Trust. Just trust Him.

Building a Food Adventure -- Foodventure

Ok, so I'm not seriously building a food empire but I can say that after years of frustration, I finally smartened up. Instead of waiting for a boyfriend to take me to my "must hit" favorite restaurants, I decided to network through NJYP and Facebook to gather some food loving people for my favorite restaurant choices. Thus far we've toured Makeda and soon we'll hit up the rooftop cocktail hour at the MET and Korean BBQ! Let the plate passing begin!

Foodventure has put an end to my waiting. I can eat-up without a date!

You're Exceptional

So tonight, after a long conversation, I bemoaned to my dad that I'm never going to find a single man in my area because there's more than 200,000 more single men than women here. His response?

"Well call me arrogant but I feel the odds are still in your favor. You're more exceptional than most, so you'll find anyone, anywhere."

I <3 you dad!

The Hunt & The Wisdom of Our Elders

Her golden strands coiled around her face and were swept by the breeze of the ceiling fan. She rapped her fingers against the wooden table as accoustic guiter played in the background. She hated waiting.

Nancy calmly entered the black painted back door of the coffee house. She removed her small prescription sun glasses and replaced them with her regular glasses. Her dyed blond hair was cut short, the curls tightly wound by a curling iron. She glanced about the restaurant and spotted the young girl pumping her stilleto clad foot under the table.

"Tessa, it's so good to be seeing you." Nancy said with a smile.

"Nancy! I'm soo glad you could meet with me." She smiled eagerly.

Tessa was definitely a young woman with a lot of energy. She launched into story after story about her life and quickly mesmerized Nancy with her word choices and vocal variety. It was no secret that Tessa was an expert at keeping an audience entertained. She leaned in closer to Nancy and frowned. Her grey eyes became clouded and stormy.

"Nancy I just don't know what to do. Here I am in my late twenties and I'm still single. I've patiently served the Lord all my life and everyone has married but me. What have I done wrong? What is wrong with me? Why would anyone want to marry me?" Tears began to fill her eyes as she nearly whispered, "Why would anyone want to marry me?"

Oh Lord, what do I tell this sweet girl? Nancy began to pray. She took a deep breath and took Tessa's hand.

"Tess, I tell Kim this all the time. God already has the man picked out for you. Sometimes the hardest part is to wait. I know God has some one for you and for Kim. He's trying to teach you patience."

Tessa slowly took in the words. She was a rapid thinker and had difficulty completely listening to others. This sometimes wore on Nancy's nerves.

"I dunno. I know that's true. Should I try online dating? When I pray I keep feeling the Holy Spirit tell me that He's going to have the man just appear. That it's for God to get the glory. Perhaps you think I'm nuts though for saying that..." She replied.

"I don't think you're nuts at all. In fact, I think you're right. You can also go online but just go online to enjoy yourself. Enjoy your life. Serve the Lord gladly and let Him take care of the rest. When you least expect it, and I mean when you least expect it, you'll see him appear. But no, I do not think you're nuts. Quite the contrary, I think you're thinking is absolutely correct." Nancy said with concrete certainty in her voice.

Tessa smiled. Her eyes looked steadily into Nancy's. She took a deep breath. "You're right Nancy. Thank you."

"I know I am Tessa. God is changing both of our lives. It isn't the life we thought but it's bringing us to godliness. Live your life for God - He's all that matters." Nancy smiled widely as she took a sip of her latte and continued. "God is always good. Never forget his goodness. We are to be anxious for nothing"

Behind Every Good Man Is An Even Better Woman - I cringed typing that

I had some one remind me of that quote the other day when I mentioned my recent date with a lovely man that had me laughing until I cried. Want to read how my convo went? Read on, dear reader, read on...

"How was your date last night?" she asked rather disinterested.
"Oh it was fabulous. I finally met a man I can laugh with! I laughed so hard I was near tears. What a relief to go out with a man who can lighten up a bit" I explained jubilantly. I still had the post first date glow of happiness that occurs for me only once and on a biannual basis. Yep, it really is that rare for me.
"Wonderful. Do you think you'll see him again?" She asked as she sipped her half decaf, half regular coffee.
"Well, he's definitely going to call me."
"So, great! You'll have another date."
"Nah, it proved I can attract outgoing men but there'll be no follow up on this one." I said with assurance.
She looked up from the Sunday morning circular she was reading. Her eyes were squinted closed a bit as she responded, "Why not another date?"
"Well he's of the age where he should have his life figured out and he hasn't. He lives home, can barely make ends meet and doesn't, or should I say, hasn't made plans to better himself." I declared.
"Well you know, behind every good man is an even better woman." She said in a persuasive manner.

OK, that's the end of the dialogue. Let me begin by saying the above quote is a HUGE dating mistake women make. While the statement is absolutely true, it isn't true when you're finding love. Women constantly think that a man will better himself because he fell in love with you or is he in love with you. He will not. A man will not change or better himself unless he wants to. We're all like that right? You don't lose weight until you want to. You cannot and will not motivate him until he wants the change - for whatever his own reason is.

So let's rephrase shall we: Behind Every Good Man Is A Good Woman Who Saw From Day One That He Is A Good Man. He Appreciates Her Recognition That He's A Good Guy. Every Now And Again, He Will Become A Better Man Because Of Her Reverence. THE END!

So will I date a man who's still in the lost and found? No, because I cannot turn him into a better man.  Been there, tried that and no, it doesn't work. I want a man who found his way out of the lost and found and is on the path to a bright future. He's at the point where he's looking for a good woman to join him on his path. I look forward to the journey. Maybe we can take a detour or two because he loves me?

Why is it our female friends give us the "impression" things are perfect?

I'll never forget a conversation I had with a very close friend over Valentine's Day last year. She was trying to inspire me to ditch my boyfriend saying "you deserve someone who treats you better. Take my guy, he makes all the plans for our vacations, pays for everything etc." It had me wondering why I always attract the guys who buy the plane tickets and book the hotels but always want me to decide what we're doing once we're there. Imagine my surprise, but not amusement, when this friend's man told me she plans everything and he just shows up! He actually told me he just hands her his credit card and she does everything else. So why did my really close friend give me the impression that all she does is show up? Why not rave that her man pays for everything and she's allowed to make all the plans? I completely agree with her. I deserved a man better than who I was dating. Hence, I broke it off. But in my defense, my boyfriend actually did make all the arrangements. I just showed up and told him what I wanted to do. So while she's busy calling my man a loser, the question is, why didn't she tell me the truth? Why do our friends misrepresent their lives and, in turn, lead us into thinking unrealistic things about our lives?

From this I've learned a key truth. If it sounds to good to be true in your best gal pal's life, you can bet it probably is. So the next time you ask your gal how she met her man and she tells you some outrageous story; go ahead and congratulate her. Then go home and say to yourself, She probably met him online like everyone else. I guess some of us have dirty little secrets. I can honestly say though that I'm honest. I don't have a perfect life. I've cried myself to sleep countless amounts of time, have met some fabulous men, dated some real losers, have had miserable jobs and some fantastic ones. I'm not perfect and I want you to know that.

What do you do when the Lord is breaking you?

Hey, while I haven't seen you since college, I felt I should write. When I lost my mom 4 years ago I wondered what good could possibly come from all the pain. But in the end, we not only learn the patience of God but also that He is our only sufficiency. We are often perplexed but not cast down. God works all things together for the good. This is coming from a girl who felt rock bottom couldn't get any lower. He always comforts, always provides and always works it out for the best. Commit your way to Him. You'll see! (sorry to write such a lengthy note)

⁸ We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; (2 Corinthians 4:8, New King James Version)

 ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD,
         Trust also in Him,
         And He shall bring it to pass. (Psalm 37:5, New King James Version)

Lonely? Only when we love others more than Him.

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5, New King James Version)

Through the years I often wondered why the Lord had me in lonelier predicaments than others. I was home schooled and through much of that time had relationships with only Jesus and my mother. Loneliness was my daily angst ridden poem. My loneliness continued through my 20s; I lost my mother and failed at most of the romantic relationships I tried. I continued to wonder why.

During those perplexing times, we can pray and ask God for comfort and wisdom. Loneliness taught me to see, throughout my life circumstances, the faithfulness and provisions of God.  I now understand it was to learn this verse very thoroughly.

²⁶ “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. (Luke 14:26, New King James Version)

The specifics of our calling aren't always outlined but one theme over arches any other. We're called to feed Jesus's sheep. The only way to "feed" others is to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Jesus. During that "following", He'll teach us how to love Him most and then radiate that love to others. We're pilgrims and strangers. We aren't charged with making friends, rather we're charged with making disciples. Lonely? Only when we love others more than Him.

If my desire isn't a sin, am I to die to it or work at getting it?

The journey from desire to freedom begins with desiring God's will. With each desire, we're called to die to it. Are all desires sinful or bad? No, but there isn't a way to know until it's given to God. Bring your desire before the Lord, lay it at his feet and ask Him to search your heart. Ask Him to renew your mind. Little by little the Holy Spirit will take the reins of your heart and will drive you towards His will. As God begins to clean up your desires, He often will send you a revised desire. He'll take what you gave Him, bless it, work your sacrifice for His good and help you to bear fruit. Eventually, God's will becomes clear and you'll be called to act, no longer on your desire, but on whatever God's will is for your life.

I think it's a grave mistake not to "work" towards a goal. Having a career, finding a husband, giving birth, serving our community, singing in church, finding a new job etc. aren't necessarily sins. They become sin when they lead us away from Christ who is our calling. When our lives are dedicated to Jesus everything works out and He blesses us. Much of these things are timing. We must be willing to wait on the Lord, hear His voice and submit to His will. Consider this:

Q: Can you get a raise if you don't ask for one?
A: Yes, but how many employers just hand you money?

Q: Can you find a mate if you don't date?
A: Unlikely, unless it's an arranged marriage!

Q: Can you get pregnant without having sex?
A: Science doesn't count. The answer is no.

Q: Should you change jobs?
A: This is a grey area. It requires guidance from Christ.You might be called to act or not act.

Q: Do I go on a second date if the first was boring?
A: This is a grey area. The Lord will show us the difference between feeling and fact here.

Sometimes you'll be called to either take no action (and that is taking action) or you'll be called to act. Entrust the desire and the details to God. He knows a lot more than you do.

How Do I Attract Men? Men Go For Women So Much Less Attractive Than Me.

I think you can attract men anywhere. Being attractive helps but doesn't usually completely "sell" a man on girl friend material. Attracting a man isn't a mystery. It just takes some things: (1) practice (2) being in a place where men are (3) being receptive to male advances and (4) making a man feel great about himself. Here's some tips on attracting a man anywhere:

• Join groups that attract a lot single men (polical groups, church groups, Professional Organizations), you get my drift.
• Even if you don't get a date at these groups, practice talking to men, getting comfortable with men and enjoying their company.
• Say hello to men and women wherever you are (Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, Dry Cleaner, Line at Supermarket, work).
• Trust me, this will help you open up to strangers. Once you learn to be receptive your chances of meeting someone are much greater. Try it! Within weeks strangers will be speaking to you.
• Make eye contact with lots more people and smile at them (men, women, children -- who cares who?) 
• Wear bright clothing (avoid crazy clothes please). Men are visual and the bright colors will draw their eyes to you.
• If you spot someone you like, get in his line of vision. Then make eye contact, smile, count to five and avert your eyes. You can even mouth hi or do something obvious like waving. If a man is attracted, he'll come over. What's the worst that can happen? He doesn't come over? Then he's gay, married or in a relationship. Hit the NEXT button.
• Thank men for holding the doors, compliment all men openly (single or married). You won't date the married men of course but being liked is a chain reaction. Once one man likes you, the word gets out that you like men. Man likers are a rare breed and most men love them! What man wouldn't?
• Men are hams about compliments. I don't know if they get them infrequently or whatever but most men love being told they're chivalrous, great, good looking etc. Even if you don't get a date, he'll always say you're great!
• Men aren't like women. They overlook a lot when a woman thinks they're hot stuff. Trust me, I see this even with performance reviews. Men go by feelings just as much as women do. They particulary go by how the woman makes him feel about, you guessed it, himself!
• Attracting a man is like an employer seeking to fill a position. We don't tell people NOT to apply. We simply don't interview those we aren't interested in. Same goes here.

What They Taught Me

If life is a journey and every outcome leads to another, my dating life is no exception. After a huge dose of rejection (the dark introvert didn't want to marry me), I did a dating detox. I doused myself in self pity, took myself to brunch and forged new friendships with everyone from NY Asian Americans, a man hating dining out group and mature friends my mom's age. Here's a summary of what the last 3 men taught me about relationships.


1. Red Flags Mean You Should Move On
    Red flags are NOT the same as Caution Signs
2. Your Prayer Gut Is Right
3. Take Everything To Christ In Prayer 
4. Don't Accept or Make Excuses For Bad Behavior
5. Ask Christ to Show You What Isn't A Deal Breaker
6. Passion Doesn't Equal Love
7. Intent Is Shown By Actions Not Words
8. You Should Love A Man For Who He is Today And NOT What You Hope He'll Become
9. Assume The Guy Is Nice Until Proven Otherwise 
10. You Don't Attract The Wrong Men, Just A Lot of Men
11. Be Realistic In Your Expectations (Let prayer be your guide. God will show you when this is off base).

The Walk

He was tall with sandy blond hair and cool blue eyes. His personality was passionate, focused in serious. He slowly pulled into the parking space in front of her brick house and contemplated going inside. He glanced at the back seat where a book and single rose lay in repose on the passenger side back seat cushion. The red rose petals blazed against the charcoal grey seat. He began to perspire. Tonight the was night...the night he'd...

"Hi Nick! How's the summer treat'n ya." She happily asked.

He jumped and ran to get the her car door while she easily slid in tucking her short, flouncy skirt around her. He glanced quickly at her bare porcelain legs that glowed like fine china. She was wearing white healed stiletto sandals. He wondered what it would be like to touch her, to see her naked. He had thought that for the last 2 summers he'd visited her.

He came round to the drivers side and tried to sound casual.

"Is there anywhere in particular you would like to go for dinner?" He asked as he looked into her grey eyes. Her eyes tended to always dance to a lively tune whether she was listening or talking. Why did he not use a contraction to sound more casual? Why did he sound like a normal guy who is 24? He reached over to the back seat and handed her the book and rose.

"Wow, Nick...this is soo nice of you. What's the cover of the book?" She declared very jubilantly.

"Well it's titled..."

"Oh I see 'How to Find Your Way in The Real World' Gosh that's so sweat." She smiled happily up into his eyes. Her golden was fixed pin straight and hung like long, golden ribbons around her face. She was beautiful. He wanted to gasp every time he gazed her. He had thought about kissing her and gazing into her eyes all through the school year.

"How has seminary been going?" she asked sweetly.

"Ooh" Should he tell her now? "It's been going well. I'm trying to think of what kind of orders I would like to take." Again with not using a contraction.

"What are the orders exactly in the Catholic faith? I don't know anything about being Catholic." with that she laughed. He laughed with her. He couldn't help but laugh every time she laughed. He really wanted to kiss her, he wanted to get dinner over with, he wanted to hold her hand. He wanted her not to consider him to be out of reach.

He painfully got through dinner. He discussed the different orders that can be taken in the Catholic faith, he discussed next year at school (a lie), and listened to her breathlessly discuss working "in the business world". She went on to discuss her dreams for the future. He didn't care. He only wanted to ask her if she had a boyfriend.

He paid the check and let her walk ahead of him. So many men glanced over as she walked by. Her golden hair, china skin and lively personality drew attention everywhere. Her toes were painted pale pink. She turned around and said "Coming Nick?" She giggled and kept going.

Once back at her house he toyed with just leaving. He didn't know if he should tell her. Would it ruin their friendship?

"Tessa, would you like to take a walk" He said too stiffly (or so he thought). She didn't seem to notice.

She furrowed her brow in thought and bit her glossy lip. "We don't have to take a walk." he said nervously.

"Oh no, we can. Where should we walk?" She said with an encouraging smile.

"We can just walk around the neighborhood."

"Ok". She chatted continuously while they walked. He couldn't pay attention. Should he just say it? She kept talking. He had no idea what she was saying. Tessa was always talking. He loved that about her. He preferred to say little.

"Tessa." He stopped but she kept walking and was ahead of him now. She was still talking. "Tessa" He said louder. She stopped talking and turned around.

"Oh hey. What are you doing back there?" she said with a giggle.

"I like you." He stated blandly. Oh dear, that was not articulate.

She smiled widely. "I like you too Nick." She was about to start walking.

"Uuh. No." He stepped towards her until he was facing her. He tilted his face downward and looked directly into her grey eyes that had clouded.

"No, I do not think you understand me. I like you." Using the word like was putting it mildly.

She didn't answer nor did she move. He wasn't sure she was even blinking.

"I left seminary. I've thought of nothing but you and have decided that I can't become a priest. I can't never marry. I was only thinking of you."

She nodded. "You aren't a priest anymore?"

"Well I was never priest. I was studying to be one but I decided I want to be with you. Have you ever thought of me that way?" He pleaded.

"I thought we were friends. I thought you weren't interested in women." she said with sadness.

"Well no, not exactly. We are friends and I have always been interested in women but I thought I could love God and just not be married. That maybe serving him is enough but...well. What do I say Tessa? I just think about you. I like you. I decided to quit seminary because I can't have both of those feelings." He didn't mention that he thought a lot about kissing her, about touching her body everywhere and about wanting to sleep with. He thought now wasn't the best time to discuss those feelings.

"Have you ever thought of me that way?" He repeated.

"Nick, wow. Umm. Let's talk about this a bit more. We can date." She said slowly with a lot of deliberation.

"Yes, let's go on a real date!"

She smiled broadly. He desperately wanted to kiss her. He'd never kissed a girl and wanted to.

"May I kiss you and then look into your eyes afterward?" He said while looking directly at her.

She laughed. "Sure!" She didn't seem to have any hesitation.

He leaned in and pecked her lips. She reached in and pressed herself against him. She began to kiss him more furtively. He felt himself burning. He had made the right decision in quitting seminary.

About Me, Part III

I like to travel off the beaten track and value all the adventures I've had thus far in life. This year I've vowed to start traveling to famous cities around the U. S. so I can write about them. Now all I need is someone to come with me!

I enjoy my job and am surrounded by so many great friends, co-workers and family members that I feel truly blessed.

I give my all to everyone I know and try hard to forgive and understand the view points of others. I value those who can make me think in ways I don’t usually.