Handling an Adversary and Finding Peace

It was the week before Christmas and things were very busy. She was looking forward to having Christmas Day through New Year's day off for the first time in six years.

It was 4 p.m. and her phone started to ring. Her boss was on the other end.

"Hi Nora! Can you come in here please?" Her boss said in a friendly but commanding tone.

"Absolutely." Nora replied calmly and hung up. Her boss frequently requested she head to her office. Nora thought nothing was out of the ordinary as she grabbed her pad and pen.

After knocking on the door and being told to come in, Nora sat down. She clicked her pen open and prepared to take notes. It was then she noticed her boss's frown.

"Nora..." she started with a concerned look. "I consider us friends and I feel awful asking you this question and before I even ask, I want you to know that you can certainly say no. Please don't feel that you have to agree to what I'm asking or that it's going to affect your performance in anyway. I'm asking because I know that after years of working together, you'd definitely tell me no because in the past when I've mentioned I'd prefer you not to take certain days off, there were times when you agreed to come in and there were times when you didn't. So, feel free to say no. My friend Vicki, her son and her husband are staying with me over Christmas. I accidentally got the days confused and agreed that all of you girls could be off the day after Christmas. Now I know that I already asked that you forgo taking a vacation a few months ago and normally I'd ask the others but I already know their plans and am certain they can't come in so I'm not even asking them but I don't know yours. Is there a way you'd be willing to come in the day after Christmas? Like I said, I can certainly come in but would prefer not to because my friend is staying with me." Her boss stopped and looked at her.

Nora's heart sank. She had never requested the day after Christmas off before and had always allowed her colleague to use the time to spend with her family, since she herself was unmarried and didn't have much family to speak of. Her Christmas day plans consisted of over 5 hours of round-trip driving and visiting family she saw a couple times a year. Yet, how could she say no? It was her boss and her friend was in town. While her boss certainly wouldn't put her refusal in a performance review, she had a way of making Nora feel very small and unaccomplished. Refusing her might provoke more hostility.

"Sure. I was going to visit my family out-of-state but I can always leave a little earlier than planned." Nora said.

"Are you sure? I knew you'd say no if you couldn't do it but I don't want you to feel like you're missing out on your plans. I promise to make it up to you!" Her boss said hurriedly.

"It's ok." Nora responded and pursed her lips. It wasn't but what could she say?

She left her boss's office and headed to her desk. A lump formed in her throat. She wasn't going to cry but she could feel the anger swelling from her stomach and into her head. Her head starting to hurt.

****

Weeks later Nora was still dwelling on the incident but comforted herself with the fact that her sacrifice would allow her boss a nice time. Also, she knew God would reward her for considering someone else. Yet, she couldn't shake feeling hurt and disappointed. While Nora didn't have a husband or children or even a caring family to rely on, she was looking forward to some time shopping. What made it worse was her boss's way of making it up to her, she wanted to take Nora to dinner for a girl's night. Having dinner with her boss wasn't a blessing, it was actually just more hours she'd need to submit to her boss's self focused conversation and demands. When an internal email announced an opening for an executive assistant, for the first time in six years Nora felt relief. Should she apply just to get away from her boss? She began to pray but she not only began to pray for relief from her boss but also on how to rid herself of the resentment she felt toward her. Nora knew resentment wasn't of God.

Handling an Adversary and Finding Peace 

Dear Reader,

Perhaps feelings of anger and resentment are brewing in your heart against a person or situation. Perhaps the situation feels like there's no resolution or way out. I've been in that place. Each time, I'm begging God for a way out and in the meantime, I'm struggling with how to cope with the hurt, anger and resentment that turns like a wheel over and over the issue. What does the Bible say about resentment? How do we handle people that hurt and abuse us? Is it ok for us to resist the abuse? Let's take a closer look at the topic by examining Samuel 24. 

In the passage we see that King Saul has returned home after a victory against the Philistines. He hears that David, whom Samuel anointed as the next king over Israel, is in the Wilderness. Saul takes 3,000 men and pursues him. Saul enters a cave to rest, not knowing that David is in the same cave. Impulsively, David cuts off a piece of Saul's robe and soon regrets his action. His men try to persuade him that God has delivered Saul into his hands but David refuses to take Saul's life. Saul is God's anointed and while David is aware that he's the next anointed king, he refuses to take the throne in that manner. In fact, he does the opposite. He approaches Saul and kneels before him. He humbly asks his adversary to not believe those that lie about his desire to kill the King and provides proof of his innocence by showing him the piece of robe. Saul repents of his envy against David and states he knows David will be the next kind of Israel. Saul leaves David and returns home. 

The story showed me the importance of having mercy on our adversary and leaving revenge to God. "If an enemy hungers" we are to give him bread. We are to allow God to make vengeance but are not to exact it with our own hands. David had the opportunity to rid himself of Saul and it could easily have been argued that God had given him that opportunity. Yet David knew better. He knew that revenging himself of his adversary, even when the adversary is in the wrong, was not his place. Justice belongs to God. Not only did David refuse to kill Saul, he went out to reassure him that it wasn't his desire to give him harm (1 Sam. 24:8). 

If we find ourselves in the company of our adversary, we should ever so humbly try to persuade him that we have no intention to do harm and that we will do no harm.  We are called to be faithful even to the hardest of masters (1 Pet. 2:18-20). Jesus went further by saying that we are to bless those who curse us and pray for those that spitefully use us (Luke 6:27-33). We may find ourselves able to resist causing harm to another with our outward actions but our hearts are in constant turmoil. How do we find peace when being used or hurt by someone? 

This very morning I found myself at that exact spot and it's not an easy place to be in! I find it comforting to know that I'm not alone. The Bible tells us to "cast our cares on Him" and that our brothers and sisters are going through similar trials throughout the world (1 Peter 5:6-10). Not only that but we can rejoice. Our feelings are precious and our tears are counted by him. Never fear what man can do to you because they can't do anything without God establishing it (1 Pet 4:19 and Job 1:12)! 

Pray urgently for the ability to forgive, the ability to heal and the ability to bless amongst suffering. I promise that the moment you begin to pray, God will set your heart aright. He'll also show you what step to take next. Continue to do what's right (Gal. 6:9) before God and ask Him to make the situation right (Psalm 7:9). All will be well when we commit our way to the Lord. Amen. 

Finding Peace in Unchanging Circumstances

This morning a friend texted to express her frustration at her career regression. Several relocations and job changes had caused for a demotion in responsibilities. She's working as a temp with reduced pay. Submitting countless resumes, working tirelessly at her temp job and taking classes to further her education has changed nothing. Interviews aren't coming and there's no promise of permanency at her temp job. 

Dear children, when you are tempted to feel discouraged or beg God to change something, immediately tell it Jesus. Tell him all your troubles. Then ask for His grace and strength to live through them. When you do that, God begins to work. He'll give you an extra special portion of grace and the strength to bear up. You'll see that things begin to work out effortlessly. On this very day, I too begged God for some relief. It was immediately given. His love will immediately flood your heart and lift you up. These passages picked me up today and I pray they do the same for you. 

Psalm 91

2 Cor. 12:7-10

Proverbs 3:34, James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5

His Banner Over Me Is Love

Sometimes we endure seasons of loss, or we struggle for something we think we must have and we wonder why God has chosen not to give. I was perplexed as to why God hadn't given me companionship after the loss of my mother. I tried to make several romantic relationships work but to no avail. Meanwhile, my job seemed a one way street to nowhere land and life remained the same, year after year. It took me a while to realize my truest failure was not in what wasn't working out but in my inability to seek God for who He is and not for what He will give.

When we come to Christ we must be born again. This is a very misunderstood concept. To be born again means to comprehend that truth only exists in God and we only have access to God through Christ. That means that whatever we've learned from sources other than God and His teachers are lies. When we believe this, God can begin undoing the teachings we've learned and begin creating a new mindset in us. It is through Christ's resurrection that we can become brand new. We have the mind of Christ and as we read the Bible, God's word, we learn how to live abundantly in this world.

An abundant life means a reliance on God and His provision. When we trust that God will supply all our needs, we are freed up to meditate on the spiritual aspects that need healing and growth. I've found that as I pray and read the Bible, the Lord begins a mysterious process. He begins to open my eyes to His truth. He is mending and healing the shatteredness of my life. He is an expert physician with the ability to bind the broken-hearted and set the captives free. My prayers have begun to get answered in the positive and my pathway has become smooth.

I recently learned something profound about God. The Bible says His banner over me (and you) is love. I didn't understand what a banner was so I looked it up in the dictionary. The definition states: A banner is a piece of cloth attached by one edge to a staff and used by a leader as his standard. God's standard is love! All that He does is motivated by love. Most of what others do for us or what we do for them is not motivated by love but by other things. This is the direct opposite to God's motivation - love. This understanding overwhelmed me with gratitude.

Three years ago I was utterly alone and now I have friends. I applied for jobs in a horrible economy and landed several interviews. I awaken each morning with the joy of the Lord in my heart and have a feeling that through all the times God was saying "no" to my prayers, it was to prepare me for something and someone wonderful. Each circumstance has taught me of God's mercy and love that awaits me throughout the day. He has become my strength, my portion, my protection and my friend. I've learned that all things work together for the good. I've learned that God has lovingly overseen every aspect of my life. He knows my thoughts and needs before I think them. (See also Ps. 139.) He answers my supplications in accordance to His expert assessment of where I am at spiritually and physically. He has always provided for my needs.

Dear children, I write to you today to encourage you not to give up on the Lord your God that you serve. Wait on Him, ask Him for patience to endure hardship and trust that all He does for you is motivated by love. He has a future mapped out for you and will make all things beautiful for you in His time. Trust Him.

Forgiveness Is No Art!

It was mid-October and my lunch hour. I sat in my car feeling utterly confused and defeated. I was miserable. I wasn't feeling lonely, depressed or anxious. What I was feeling was just plain hopeless. I was starting to snap at my co-workers and felt envious of my friends, who seemed to have brighter lives than me. The more I tried to control my feelings and their effect on those around me, the more I failed.

I turned to Romans 7 and began to read. The passage pointed out that we end up doing what we don't want to do. The problem was, I knew that already. Intellectually and physically I wanted to get rid of the envious feelings and the confused heart I had toward God. The problem was, even pouring over scripture did not send the usual answer. I prayed a hopeless prayer to God; asking Him to show me how to love these people. Then I took a nap in my car. I hoped that when I awoke the feelings of misery would pass. They didn't pass.

The following morning I felt better. Sleep has always helped restore me. The thoughts of "Why, Lord?" continued to plague me. I was starting to dread seeing my co-workers. I dreaded seeing them not because they were unpleasant but because they were a reminder of how jealous I was of the families they have, the husbands they married etc. I hated myself for feeling that way. I couldn't stop the thoughts. I couldn't get the victory. I had prayed, read my Bible and found no answers. The heavens were locked in silence and my banging on heaven's gates didn't supply the help needed. I digress. That morning, I spoke to my friend like always. She mentioned she needed to forgive a wrong that was committed against her. It hit me like a bolt of lightening. Forgiveness! Yet how did forgiveness play into envy and jealousy? I knew at the heart was forgiveness. When I got off the phone, I started to pray for forgiveness.

I didn't pray that I could forgive my friends, co-worker etc. I started to pray that God would forgive me. That He would forgive me for wanting a life He hadn't supplied. That He would empower me to love His will. I reasoned the life He gave me was His will. Jesus told us "but I came to bring them life, and far more life than before." I began to realize that I must never wonder why He's given me this life. It's a fruitful life and blessed by God. He's supplied my every need. I must not feel like I'm less blessed or more blessed than someone else.

I started to feel the power of God. It didn't stop there. I began to plead with God to please take away these envious feelings. I admitted I was completely unable to stop thinking the thoughts or stop wanting the life of another. It felt impossible. It seemed silly to ask God to stop the thoughts. It seemed counter-intuitive. I kept thinking that God wasn't a genie to rub. That I must seek self-control and get a handle on these feelings myself. I prayed it anyway because even through all my sincerity, I couldn't stop the way I felt. It was useless.

It was that prayer that taught me a most precious lesson. We serve a truly, merciful God. A God who didn't come into the world to condemn it but to save it. Jesus came to forgive us our sins and to help us forgive others, to love our enemies and to serve those around us. Before we came to Him, some of us tried very hard to be a good person. Yet sincerity is useless. The truth still exists - that we are sinners. The Lord Jesus wants to help us in our infirmities. He's waiting for us to say the simple prayer "I can't do this without You." Dear friend, wherever you are and whatever situation you are in, ask God to help you. It is impossible to forgive. It is impossible to love always. It is impossible for you and for me. It is not impossible for Jesus. Thank you Jesus that we are more than conquerors! "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”"

God's Magnificent Comfort

A review of my journal and blog entries reveals how much I've struggled with loneliness and loss. I want to shift gears and focus on the incredible comfort I've received in knowing Jesus. This afternoon my friend took her marriage vows. They weren't the traditional vows. They focused on friendship and a love that is based on inspiring the other to greatness. At one point it was mentioned that the other would be a comfort through the tears. I sat in relative awe. Does such a person exist? It me thinking of the platitudes I've been told when my mom died. Some suggested my mother's loss would yield the opportunity to get closer to my dad. Others told me time and other people would fill the void the loss of my mother caused in my life. None of those words comforted me. In truth, I'm no closer to my father than when my mother died and while my life is "filled" with friends and exciting experiences, none of that has washed away the empty spot at my heart's table.

My dear reader, I don't write these things to discourage you but rather to point out that sometimes the phrases of others are trite. A person can hold your hand but they can never mend your heart. Only the master builder can restore what's been lost. He does so with sweet kindness. He manages to fill the gaps that loved ones leave and soothes the sorrow the sin in this world has caused. He soothes it by revealing Himself to the one who seeks comfort.

This week I read something from Corrie ten Boom's "Reflections of God's Glory" p. 25 that really touched me. She wrote, "I once begged for deliverance, but the Lord said, 'My grace is sufficient for you.' I continue to look to Him and try not to be impatient. I won't be here a moment longer than God thinks necessary. Pray for me that I will be able to wait for His timing. Life here has wonderful proportions; time is here only to be lived through. It amazed me that I have adapted so well. Some things I can never get used to, but in general I am very happy. It is dark, but then the Savior gives His light and that is wonderful." Corrie wrote those words while in solitary confinement. Our lives can feel like that. Portions of our lives are very stagnant and yet Jesus promises "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  The Bible tells us that God is our comforter and He comforts us so we can comfort others. Until recently, I had never experienced the magnificent comfort of God. His comfort warms us more than a fire on cold day and soothes us to the soul level. The rest that we find in Christ isn't hinged on tranquility, rather it is centered on being made whole by Jesus Christ. The ocean of God's comfort astounds me. It's so limitless and allows us to triumph under any circumstances. Do you need comfort? Are you hoping someone will fill the void in your life? If so, come to Jesus and ask Him to comfort you. You won't be disappointed!

Only The Lord Can Restore What's Lost

At 8:30 a.m. tomorrow I leave for California. I've managed to shred my personal papers, preclean the house before the cleaning people come on Thursday, pay the June bills that were almost overdo, forward my flight information and pack. As I packed, I fought loneliness. It's not always easy to drive myself to the airport but I'm thankful someone is waiting for me at the other end! That definitely helps a lot. I'll be spending a good 4 days with my friend before heading to San Diego for the weekend to reconnect a bit with my cousins. As usual, I'm off the beaten path and forging another new tributary. I wonder how I'll be with little alone time. Will I crave "me time" or will I be relieved? I've spent the last year completely single and have learned to hate and treasure my time. It's interesting what being alone does. Still, everyday the thought gnaws at me. When will God choose for me not to be so undone? Is there a happy ending for me? As I leave for the airport tomorrow, I'm missing true friends (but I'll be seeing one), a confident and a relationship. I'm missing a lot. Only the Lord can restore what's been lost. It's out of my hands. That's what 2011 is teaching me.

So it is surrender? Or is it...
{but maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.}


-Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & the City

When A Trial Is Over

On Friday night I was seated at Applebees with a group of young women after Jersey Life had concluded. As we began to share our testimonies (life story), I realized that the sorrow and dreadfully horrible experience of my mother's loss had faded. While I still miss my beloved mom and shed a few tears, the shock and deep billowing sorrow has been replaced with a peaceful acceptance. The Lord's promise that He will give us beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning is quite true. Sometimes pain is healed gradually because our human hearts feel it so deeply. But as Corrie ten Boom said, "There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still" Hallelujah.

Isaiah 61:3

3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

A "Stretched" Week

The breeze is tickling the trees on this sunny, 85 degree day. I've finished my run, consumed my egg white omelet on dry rye toast and am now sipping some decaf coffee while I muse over the week. My week started ordinarily enough. My boss was out on Monday. I headed down 287 for an all you can eat sushi with people I've only met once before. By late Wednesday, I had conducted my first mock interview session (the Chief of HR said I'm a tough interviewer) and I spent Thursday racing through a company sponsored happy hour before jumping on a train the NYC to meet the folks at the NYYRC. My week sounds glamorous right? Read below for the thoughts and truth of the "real" occurrences.

Monday's "Sushi Coma" was tough for me. I became an introverted observer at the table. The group was a lively and entertaining but it was obvious their lifestyle and mine didn't gel. Wednesday's mock interview made me overly sensitive to how insensitive I am of others when I'm nervous. During the session, the Chief of HR said I'm a tough interviewer who threw out curve ball questions. I still haven't asked the Chief of HR how she felt about how I led the session. I haven't asked because I hate to confront my failures and I felt very bad about myself.

Thursday's work sponsored cocktail hour had me feeling uncomfortable. Everyone was years older than me and I didn't know that many people. Still, I met the new Pro Bono coordinator and mingled a bit before heading out.

At NYYRC, the people were dry, bland and unfriendly. I came dressed in a white linen suit, they were in navy blue, black and grey suits. I didn't stand out but I didn't blend either. It was clear that I'm not as conservative as I feel. I thought going to the NYYRC was going to be hook me up with like minded people. Meaning, they're moral, ethical etc. Instead I was confronted with a group of self righteous people declaring they're right and the left is wrong. While I agree, they're right - the sentiment fell flat. I wrote self righteous above because it didn't feel like the sentiment was packed with love and compassion. It had me thinking, so this is how a civil war was started.

Here's the rainbow...Friday found me driving to work down on myself and exhausted. I still had one event left before the weekend. I complained to a coworker that I had no game left and wished I could stay home. Her response, "You better go because tonight could turn out better than you think". She was right! Friday reaffirmed my need for constant Christian fellowship. It reaffirmed that common values doesn't mean we have a spiritual commonality at all.

Here's what this week taught me:

• When we don't have commonality with someone, friendship and having a fun night out may not be possible.
• Sometimes our behavior isn't the best when we're nervous. Focus on the other person/people even more when nervous.
• Don't give up your faith. Hold to it and continue in it always. The rewards far exceed the pain.

What Do You Want

I just finished rubbing a tear off my face after watching "Bethenny Gets Married". In the season finale Bethenny states that she never thought she'd be able to have it all. She thought she'd have to choose between having a career or having a family. She learned she can have it all. I do relate. At 30 years old, I stepped away from my life and asked myself where I want to be. Then I realized I wasn't close. The more I began asking myself what I wanted, the more I realized I didn't know. Or did I know and I just didn't want to admit it?

I'm not cut from the same cloth. I've always chosen to fight, forge a new path and have refused to settle for the status quo. I have a lot of passions and dreams and while I've haven't always known how to get them, I still clasp onto them. What I've learned, recently, is getting what you want means knowing what you want and having the willingness to work hard for it. Success isn't about just showing up. It's about showing up, rolling up your sleeves and getting to work. No one has had a career or anything else for that matter come to them. That realization came after reading old journal entries and reviewing my previous blog articles. Instead of hard work, I chose the path of least resistence. I wallowed in self pity, grief and loneliness which was leading me down a pathway to bitterness. Life doesn't have to be bitter and it isn't all bad.

What is it that I want right now? Friends to enjoy myself with, to continue down my career path, and to live on my own. I want to be self sufficient. I want to be able to say I've made it on my own. I don't want to rush into marriage and motherhood. I feel there are experiences I must have. It's taken me a long time to realize that God has ordered my path and the path He's chosen is much better than my own. I have only a glimmer of its reality but I'm enjoying it. God means our lives to be good. We can't focus on every horrible situation and forget to reflect on the blessings.

I hope you take some things away from this post.

1. Life contains good and bad circumstances. Learn to accept both as the will of God. Have faith that He'll lead you out of them. It may take time but it will happen.
2. We cleave to our own path but the path God makes for us is smoother and leads to lasting happiness.
3. Learn to communicate what you want to your employers, your friends and your family. People cannot help you if you don't tell them what you need help in.
4. Getting what you want entails prayer and hard work on your part. Some things will not just come to you because you prayed. Yet, you should start and end with prayer.
5. Not every thought is from God. Ask God to help you discern the truth from a lie. This takes wisdom. Seek God's wisdom in your life. Continue on your path until God corrects you. Trust that He will!
6. Sometimes the things we ask for don't happen on our timetable. Self healing may need to occur. Ask God to grow you into the best version of yourself you can be. Only He can do the work.

Being Vulnerable & The Outcome Of It

I've always been a person open to criticism. Or should I call it feedback? That's what we call it in the HR world. I digress but shouldn't. Last week I took a huge chance and posted my online dating profile in a public forum and welcomed feedback from male viewers. The responses were enlightening. A lot of good came of it. For one thing, I've learned men prefer to see a full body photo and then a head shot. It seems men fear a woman who posts just a head shot is fat! Hmpf! One viewer said the object of your headline and photo and is to increase "click ability". Flattering photos and a catchy screen name or headline will do the trick. Yep, you guessed it. The guys were right. Within several days of swapping my initial photo from a head shot to a full profile shot, I received emails from 5 men within my target market. Great!

Moving along to a more serious topic though. Most men felt my profile lacked pertinent details they wanted to know. I decided to experiment. I swapped the photos out and then left the profile "as is". Men responded with interest. When I added "softer" comments such as about my desire to be a nurturing mother with examples of how my own mother nurtured me, the quality of men improved. I delved deeper and added my desire to help neglected children and my hopes to one day be married. Yep, the men responded in turn.

What did this prove to me? It proved a couple things. Being "you" means revealing "you". My inner desires, sewn tightly to my heart, are the key to finding a great man.  May we all grow into the men and women Christ desires us to be.

The Outcome of Reduced Facebook & Email Time

So last week I proposed a self imposed challenge. For one week I was going to log into Facebook and my email account only 2 times a day. I logged in once in the morning and once in the evening. On several days, extenuating circumstances made it necessary to login a few more times but for the most part, I kept the rule. The results? Fascinating. The first several days were torment. I liken it to going "breadless" for 2 weeks while starting the South Beach diet. Just like the South Beach diet, the pain meant a definite gain. By day 3 I was feeling peaceful, less agitated and more in control of my hectic electronic life.

It's the end of the challenge and I must admit, this exercise has proved that technology has the benefits of being a glass half full or a glass half empty. I no longer frantically login to see "what's going on" and have more self control over my thoughts and actions. Try the challenge. You might feel as free as I do!

My 7 Day Email & Facebook Challenge

I discovered in prayer that my desire for love and friendship is causing me to be distracted. I asked the Lord this morning, how to die to all this. I want to get married; or at least move out; or at least not to want either thing. A thought came to me; and whether it's from God, I can't be sure. Could it be the desire isn't the problem, the distraction is? My desire for companionship, love and independence has created an endless urge to check my email, my text messages and my online dating account. Sometimes I've found myself checking them every 15 minutes. I leave my email and facebook account open while I'm working so I can feel "connected". Instead of feeling connected, I lose my focus and get depressed. The cause of the depression? My friends have momentarily stopped texting, my emails are all spam and the three gentlemen I was corresponding with have poofed before a date was even suggested.

Ok, I just reviewed what I wrote previously. I don't see the connection between desire and distraction but I'm going to experiment. Here's my 7 day self imposed challenge for the next week:

1. Personal Email:  Login to  email account 2x a day. Once in the morning and once at night. Respond only in the evening to messages. Otherwise, emailed account remains closed.

2. Facebook: Check Facebook statuses & event updates once per day in the evening.

3. Add Productivity: Finish all household chores, organize all that needs to be organized & close the loop on what needs closing. In essence, replace perusing the internet with housework.

I'm curious to see if my personal challenge will help me feel better about my lack of dating life, my social situation etc. Stay tuned as I write about my experiences. 

The Desires of Sin - How to Die To Them

In keeping with the thorn, I have this desire that likes to crop up in my life. It's actually a strand of desires that while they aren't sin, they can quickly become the focus of many thoughts and use up quite a lot of time throughout the day. When does a desire become a sin? I believe a desire becomes a sin when it becomes exactly that. James 1:14-15 tells us that "but each man is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed. Then the lust, when it hath conceived, beareth sin: and the sin, when it is full grown, bringeth forth death." We must daily ask the Lord to deliver us from temptation which is exactly what Jesus asked us to do when he modeled a prayer for his disciples. The question I posed the Lord this morning is, are there any steps I can take to put these desires in their proper place?

We are to be united with Jesus is in His death. How do we do that? We do that by dying to ourselves. That means not only dying to the sin in our lives but dying to everything. It's not that who we are and what are no longer exist, it's that the Lord must make whatever we are completely new. We must be born again. The work doesn't end when we accept the Lord and are born again. We must then get to know the Lord (Col 3.10) by the reading of His word. The word will renew us our minds and make us knowledgeable of God's expectations for his followers. See Col 3:1-8.

Once we know how God wants us to live, we begin to ask the Lord to show us the areas of our life that is in sin and we begin to obey. The Lord tells us that he prefers obedience to the confession of our sins. We're called to keep ourselves from idols. Sometimes we don't know what those idols are but as the Lord reveals them to us we must purge them out. The purging starts with our thoughts. We must test every thought and make it subject to the Lord. This happens by prayer. See 1 John 4:1 and 2 Cor 10:5.

Once we know a thought is not of God, we must stop thinking it! The best way to do that is to think about other things. See Phil 4 on what we ought to be thinking about. If we are tempted to sin, we need to flee the situation like Joseph did when Potipher's wife approached him. We must also be sure that we are doing the work God has asked us to do. This isn't always preaching the gospel outside the home. It's sometimes about doing the laundry, paying the bills, organizing our linen closet and submitting to whom God has put over us. See Titus 2 and 1 Cor 15:58.

Dear believer, trust the Lord. Obey Him in all You know is right. Trust Him with all the outcomes and you will be surprised at the peace you receive and the blessings God gives. He never, ever forgets us.

The Power of Christ

I awakened at 5 a.m. with a burden I never seem quite able to shake. Perhaps I can liken it to the thorn that was given to Paul in 2 Cor 12. He asked the Lord three times to remove the thorn and it was not removed. An answer was given though. The Lord told him "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness". We often cannot remove the "thorns" in our lives. In Paul's case it was something that vexed him so that he wouldn't become too prideful. I can't explain what the case is in my situation but I can say that the answer is always given. The Lord's grace is over our weaknesses. Through Him we are given the power to overcome our burdens and weaknesses. In fact, we can glory in them because God's power is much greater than anything we can experience on earth! The Lord prefers to release His power when we are at our weakest state. So being weak is actually to our benefit. 2 Cor 4:7 tells us that we have this treasure in earthen vessels so that the excellency of the power of Christ might be revealed. It's through our weak human strength that God's power is best revealed. May we pray that His power be made manifest in our weaknesses.

The All Compelling Love of Christ

My meditation on 1 John 4.

To love the Lord means you must first hear the voice of God calling your life. You must confess that Jesus Christ has come to earth in the flesh and has died for you and you must then, follow the example of Jesus and deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him. Following Jesus means that you're going to be obedient to His will and not your own. You're going to be conformed to His image and not the popular image of the culture you find yourself in. It means being transformed by believing in Jesus’ death and resurrection. It's in the resurrection that we are transformed. The transformation is that we are now hid in Christ. Our life is hidden in Him but His character in us is not. We begin to decrease to self and increase to righteousness.

To love God means we have the realization that God has built everything, not with His own hands as we build houses and cars; by the word of His mouth. He spoke and the earth appeared out of nothing. Out of a void, dark and desolate place, removed from heaven, the earth was made. In summary, the elements that God made came together by His sheer will. God's word is therefore extremely powerful.

To love God means that we not only understand that everything exists because of Him but also it exists through Him. We live because He allows us to live. We die when He decides. The love of God is spiritually felt. The reality of Christ's death exists and from the act of His death we see the love He has for us. We learn to experience that love everyday through seeking Him in fervent prayer, through reading His word and obeying Him in all the ways we know we ought to. Eventually we begin walking and talking with Him.

Christ's love is not earned and we can never be good enough for it. Yet we love Him because He first loved us. We love Him because nothing can separate us from Him. We love Him because in Him are pleasures forevermore. Ultimately we love Him because He is the only One we can just receive love from. He does not require what mankind requires for love. We can simply feel His love and then reflect it on others. What a joy to feel loved and have to do nothing about it!

Encouragement For The Unmarried Christian

I'm clearly not living the life that I planned to live. As I talk to more women, I learn that a lot of us aren't on the life track we thought we'd be on. It's not that we don't eventually arrive at our desired destination; rather the path taken to get there wasn't anticipated. My goal in writing this post is to offer the unmarried person some godly perspective.

I know how hard it is to be single because I'm single. I've had bushels of boyfriends and first dates and what remains are some pleasant memories of the good times and some cringe worthy moments of the bad. I lost my mother and pleaded with God to send me a physical being to comfort me. He decided to answer "No, for now." I embarked on a five year journey that encompassed reading dating self help books, joining multiple dating websites and researching various personal improvement topics. I delved into my faith with gusto and began to pray earnestly. At first the prayer was for a mate, then for friends, and then I started praying for a mate again; finally it was for "they will be done". Learning to pray "thy will be done" has been life altering. With that statement comes a peace that lingers long after the prayer has been said.

Has the pain gone away when I find out a friend is pregnant or another is engaged? Have I stopped asking myself when it will be my turn? It hasn't stopped. I'm coming to learn that we all have feelings and we can't help how we feel and we really can't control our reaction. Our feelings will control how we react.

It seems hopeless right? I have days when I think it is. Then I remember the things I've learned. The sweet things and memories of a beautiful life come back to me. If I could, I'd ask you to close your eyes and visualize my life.

I grew up safe and protected. My mother infused in me her love and Christ's. I felt loved at the molecular level. My childhood was poignant and innocent. My mother strived to captivate my imagination and carry me off to endless possibilities as we played. I smiled as I wrote that.

My career started off a jumbled mess and I hated every minute of the first 5 years of it! I dispaired of work and wanted, more desperately than before, to find a spouse and have my babies. That didn't happen! What happened is even more incredible. During my paralegal studies I was given a list of legal recruiters. I scanned the list and promptly discarded it. I had, had some bad experiences with recruiters in the past and had vowed never to use them again. I applied for a legal position in the newspaper and discovered it was from a recruiter listed on that list. I almost didn't take the interview but figured if the school recommended the agency than it was worth taking a chance and wasting some time off. Accepting that interview was life changing! It put me face to face with a very talented woman who had an eye for recognizing talent. She immediately promised she'd find me a job and she did! Within weeks I had 3 interviews and successfully was made 2 offers. One of them is where I'm working now. I interviewed for a legal secretary position but was offered something in HR instead. This job has changed my life! It's here that I've learned to grow, accept positive and negative feedback and rely on my own talent to get me through. I'm blessed by God to be where I am.

What I'm trying to say is that the scripture that says all things work together for the good is quite true. They not only work together for the good but what is prepared by God ends up being the perfect match for what we desire and need. That type of genius orchestration can take years of a master chess player (God), moving pieces around before something amazing comes into play. Nevertheless, God has had plans for you and me since before we were born. We must never doubt Providence. It all works out and it works out so brilliantly. Think of the story of Joseph. One of my favorite scriptures is when Joseph says "What was meant for evil, God meant for good." So true! This is the same for your life, dear reader. The Lord is never late. Trust Him to accomplish what you ask and in the interim focus on bearing fruit for Him and finding your place. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. We all only get to live 1 day at a time.

Additional Resources: Single In Christ: A Name Better Than Sons And Daughters, What I've Learned Since I Kissed Dating Goodbye, All Things For Good, Part 2

Love One Another

Online dating companies, self help authors, life coaches and counselors all have 1 thing in common; they all promise to help us get one step closer to love. I sat in church today meditating on the loss of a fellow parishioner. This person spent his lifetime struggling with a drug addiction. He loved God, loved his mother and loved those in the church. Each person during the eulogy mentioned the same fact, that the deceased loved God and others.

It was then that it hit me. So many of my posts have been bemoaning loneliness, singleness, lack or loss of family. Truth be told, my feelings are pointing to a condition that is hard to erase. I have a gnawing need and an insatiable appetite for love. This need can suffocate others. Don't we all want love though? Millions of people log in to online dating services everyday, songs are written obsessively about it and most float down the church aisle on their wedding day hoping that statement "I do" will help them feel the ever eternal flame of love. What is love though? Shakespeare asked whether it was a fancy or a feeling. Does it satisfy us? The person who went down the aisle saying I do, later on says, emphatically, I don't! No wonder so many of us have multiple sexual partners, several x-spouses and enough heart break to bury us. We spend a lifetime looking for love in all the wrong places.

Let me return to today's scene at church. I wish I could more adequately describe the feeling I had while there. We were all mourning the loss of this beloved parishioner whose untimely death had shaken our faith. He struggled with drug addiction, never married and felt so alone prior to his death. Where were the positive fruits of his life? Where was God in all of this? The fruit was unrecognizable in his life but completely perceptible in his death. He left us one legacy, his love; that's a great legacy indeed!

The Bible tells us "⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part. ¹⁰ But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away." Lord, we are such imperfect beings. We're born in sin but we can die free from it. Death doesn't touch the saint because we choose to willingly give Jesus our life while we're living. There are parts we may struggle with until our death but all in all, You have loved us and have been in us. Keep us in Your love. Help us not to work too hard at getting temporary love but rather help us to earnestly seek out the eternal, heavenly kind. It is so different and so satisfying! Ensconced in that love is all that we need - the faith, the strength and the love for each other and for You. Increase our faith. We can never love you by ourselves. We love Him because He first loved us.

What path leads us to the most satisfying love of our lives? The Bible tells us "Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." I think love is multidimensional. We're not meant to absorb love and selfishly use it for our own selves. We're meant to absorb Christ's love and diffuse it.  John 13:34-35 tells us that we must love one another. Jesus told his disciples that is how others would recognize the Christian, by their love for one another. To further emphasize the importance of loving on another 1 John 4:7-8 tells us not only to love one another but says "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

Lord, teach me not only to pray and read my Bible daily but also to love others. This is something I know I cannot do by myself. This is a love that must be infused in my heart by divine grace. Start the work in me.

When The Prayers Must Cease

There comes that moment in many a saint’s life when you know you must stop praying. You stop praying for the person who’s sick because the Lord has answered the prayer by taking the person to heaven. It’s not that prayers cease, it’s that they change in purpose from the pleading for a person to the pleading for the strength to endure the present pain.


That happened to me five years ago. I spent several painful weeks pleading with God to spare my mother. I knew in my heart that He wasn’t going to. I knew that the thing I dreaded and feared more than anything was going to happen. On that morning of March 16, 2006, I stopped praying for my dearest mom. 24 years of prayers were halted and my heart began begging for relief. It’s natural in times of deep sorrow to look up towards heaven with grief swollen eyes. The heart feels the need for some answers. Some things can never be explained. God never explained to Job the purpose of his loss. He doesn’t always explain the purpose of ours either.

There’s solace in knowing that God knows best, in knowing that we are in need of endurance and in the encouragement not to forsake our hope. There is a promise that runs true. I will never leave you or forsake you.  Dear saint, whatever the trial, the sorrow, the sickness or pain, know that we are Christ’s and our hope is secure in Him. All that is here will not remain but all that is in heaven is established and reserved for us forever.

Shh...It's a Secret, My Dinner Party Tips

What are some fail proof tips to having a great dinner party for friends? Through a bunch of mishaps and various kitchen disasters, I've learned there's a dinner party recipe that's tried and true. Check out these quick tips to get you started.

• If you're on a budget, consider hosting no more than 4-6 people.
• Don't try to make everything from scratch. Make a couple home made items and supplement the rest with something catered or from the grocery store.
• Have a combo of soft drinks and liquor available. Keep these in an easy access location so your guests can help themselves. Don't forget ice! Some people practically breath by ice.
• Consider your guests dietary restrictions. Anyone Jewish (kosher), diabetic or vegetarian?
• If serving cocktails, try to choose several that don't require more than soda water and a liquor. This saves you time and your budget.
• Choose menu options that can be prepped in advance and don't require a watchful eye (think roasts, casseroles etc).
• Prepare dishes you've made before. This avoids embarrassment - trust me!

Of course, have fun and remember the more relaxed you are the more relaxed your guests will be.

In Loving Memory

The torrents of rain have given way to a cool, warm and sunny afternoon. I don't remember what the weather was like five years ago when her life ended but I do remember the scripture that rolled like a movie reel through my head. It was "To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61.3. Through the last five years I've struggled with that scripture and have begged, pleaded and petitioned God for an answer as to how beauty emerges from ashes, how joy can come from the deep mourning and how I'd ever recover from the jet lag of death. The night before she left me, I still can't quite say she died, she told me that whatever happened I would be ok. I didn't believe her at the time but I certainly believe it now. How great is the God we serve and how awesome an experience it has been learning that I can not only survive loneliness but thrive because of it. Through my pain I've watched many rejoice. Through all my fears I've learned I have nothing to fear. I can now relate to Job's words "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You." Job 42:5

Here's what happened when she first left. The cat box wasn't cleaned for several weeks at a time, the dirty laundry piled up in my bedroom and phone calls were returned weeks later. In the beginning I pleaded with God for a husband; reasoning that I needed someone to take care of me and that everyone is meant to be in a family. Are they? Is family a right of passage? Is having a husband a gift? Is love is a gift? Hard to say and today I don't write about that. Today my dear Savior has called me to forget the past and move forward. I've been learning to pray "thy will be done" and I've been learning to shift my thinking away from the here and now and into the hereafter. God has been very good to me. It was painful to rip the stitching that sewed her heart to mine but the work has been finished. What remains is a heart that's now stitched to Christ. What remains is the memory of all she taught me. What lingers is the image of her (my mother) on her bed at 5:00 a.m. reading the Bible and praying. All the scriptures she taught me plays through my mind as each day unfolds. I awake with the Lord and I go to bed thinking of Him. The nights of reaching across the bed and pleading for another soul are over. Those nights are replaced by a peaceful drifting off to sleep.

I've learned to discipline my thoughts away from sensual things and to place each thought, each action and each desire into the hands of God. Therein is a peace that passes understanding. It's in loving memory that my life is ever grateful for hers. Thank you Lord for giving me such an example. Her godly example rests upon me after her death. She was the epitome of the scripture that says "Her children will rise up and call her blessed." Until we meet again on that beautiful shore -- I shall never forget the gift of her life but how can I; for we are stitched to the same Savior and her prayers are now mine.