The title to this post sounds like the starts to some great lyrics. In early April I vowed not to speak to my IT x-boyfriend or my then current lawyer boyfriend. I made a decision on April 17th to devote myself once again to Jesus. I knew full well that decision would cost me dearly in companionship.
Since then most Friday nights have been spent cooking for Dad and watching TV movies. I spend Saturdays running errands and somehow manage to see some strangers through a meetup group or other event. I munch on brunch at a local diner, always alone. There have been a few tears but nothing noteworthy. No emotional breakdowns, no phoning ex's and only minimal facebook stalking. Yet, with almost all my friends married, it's a bit tough to be facing 30 next year without a life partner. I pray this year that God send me my husband and the co-builder of my future. I've decided not to "search" for him but rather to "search" for Jesus instead.
I have loneliness but it's not despair. Jesus has clothed me in hope, surrounded me with dignity and graced me with joy. Even in the loneliest of moments (last Friday I had no contact with anyone and didn't speak to a soul until 5:30 p.m. on Saturday), I've found that with prayer the mood is lifted and joy returns. We can walk through the valley of baca and make it well. We can come to the garden of the Lord and rest in His sanctuary. His presence is the garden and the flowers His fruit. We can walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil because somehow, you are always there. You're in our conscience, You've penetrated our hearts and pierced through the sole.
I know that in Your time, you're going to find me my other half. I've read all the books Lord, listened to the wisdom that says to network for men, talk to everyone and everything and "work" at finding someone because they don't just come to you. Here's the thing...I know he'll just come to me. You'll make our paths straight, you'll cause us to meet during everyday life & in the time it takes to sigh, life will have changed towards the marriage, the children and the country life I desire. It's a season. It's training ground. Thank you that You never leave. Help me to have patience in tribulation, trust in adversity and faith when making decisions that will clearly effect my life. Guide me with Your wisdom, lead me in the right path and reassure me I've made the right decision.
A miscellaneous commentary on things I'm thinking about. Thinking is what I'm always doing.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
The Coffee Date?
Last weekend, over Memorial Day, I threw a BBQ at my house. A few people came and someone new but not so new to me. A guy came who invited me to a Halloween party in 2008, only to show up with his female friend! Halloween boy showed up with another friend to my Memorial day picnic! Go figure. He later asked me for coffee. I turned him down tonight. Am I nuts? Thing is, at this stage in my life I want a man who's established in Christ, his career and himself. I want someone that Jesus has made whole. After Halloween boy ate all my food, didn't help clean up (not that anyone else did either) and dissed me 2 years ago, is this who I want? He asked me for coffee. If someone has seen me for dinner, come to my picnic and seen me at Halloween...isn't it time for the man to show some interest? I think a man of God should be willing to be generous with a woman from the start. I no longer have any interest in being on trial for date zero when essentially the man has had enough interaction to decide whether a date is of interest.
Coffee is date zero from the internet. If you'd spoken to the girl...ask her for a real date so you can prove you have your act together. Prove you're a man of honor.
Coffee is date zero from the internet. If you'd spoken to the girl...ask her for a real date so you can prove you have your act together. Prove you're a man of honor.