Sunday, February 26, 2006

An Epiphany

As I drove to church this morning I felt a strong urge from the Holy Spirit, an urge to email a friend who has come and gone into my life. Pools of tears welled into my eyes. It was as if the tears were the symbol for a friend drowning in grief. And so as I tensely drove to church the only thing I could think of was leaving. I wanted to leave so I could email her.

Along that drive I also came to an epiphany. In literature there is a defining moment within the pages of the book where the character does an "about face". You can clearly identify when the change began. Is change that definable? Do we open and close our eyes like the "blinking" eyes of a baby doll and suddenly our lives are transformed? The Bible talks about being renewed in our minds-the word for transformed is the Latin word, metamorphis.

The definition of metamorphis: A change in the form and often habits of an animal during normal development after the embryonic stage. Metamorphosis includes, in insects, the transformation of a maggot into an adult fly and a caterpillar into a butterfly and, in amphibians, the changing of a tadpole into a frog.

So it would seem that the change can be gradual (it takes time for the new creature to emerge) but the result is unrecognizable. A maggot doesn't look anything like a fly nor does a caterpillar appear to be the workings of a butterfly.

"What is this epiphany she is speaking about?” you ask. For the first time in all the pages of my journal I am able to write and even say, "I am content." I am happy to be single, appreciative of my job and even thankful for my struggles. I do not need to get married, have a lot of money or give birth to feel content. When God choreographs your life, you may not understand the steps that complete the move but when you look back you realize they were all necessary. At the end of this moment, I am able to say "Lord, I let you lead and I will follow, even if I feel like I'm living my life in reverse." After all, isn't that what dancing is all about? You feel your partner and move with him, he'll squeeze your right hand to remind you to step back w/your right foot etc.